Moved and somewhat settled...

So, we are all moved in...

Or should I say "I"...

Cuz Lola really didn't have that much shit...

Somehow she really downsized after the last move...and a family of ants could have moved her shit in one trip...

ME...NOTSOMUCH!

Regardless, we are all loving our new life together.

Obviously I already thought the world of him...wouldn't have moved in with him if I didn't!

But now that we are under one roof...I'm here to tell you HE ROCKS!

So much that I'm beginning to think that Lola likes him more than me...

Not to worry, a couple of pig ears and she will be at my side in no time...

That's if he would stop sharing his steak, edamame, carrots, chicken, broccoli, cheese and whatever the fuck else he's eating with her, taking her for long walks and giving her quality floor time...

She use to think I invented milk bones...

Til he introduced her to edamame...

It is what it is...

I'm just thrilled they have bonded!

So, bottom line is I'm happy...FINALLY! (and for some reason I couldn't figure out how to fit "FUCKIN" in there, so I'll just start another sentence).

I'M FINALLY FUCKIN HAPPY!

And as I sit here typing...

While she's lying on his side of the bed...

I realize how blessed I am...

I've found true love...

And tomorrow when I wake up...

Ketchup...

So...

Life has been crazy...

Busy...

And I know that's no excuse for not checking in with you fine people...If there are any of you regulars still out there...

I'm moving...yep...AGAIN!

And in with the boyfriend.

It's been a year since we've met...so we figured what the hell?

Shit, we know we like each other...Now let's see if we can stand each other...

Right?

My guess is that if we can parent a whale shark,this move will be a piece of cake.

I'm realizing once again that I still have A LOT OF SHIT!!!

SERIOUSLY!

How did I move from a 4/3 into a 2/2, consign,donate,ebay and still have SO MUCH SHIT???

We are compromising...You know both getting rid of SHIZIT.

Tonight he says..."You may need to rethink Christmas."

WHAT????

He says "You know all of your Christmas trees...Cuz we're not gonna fit 7 trees at my house."

Me: "UMMMMM. WHHHAAAAATTTTT!?!?!?"

Him: "I'm pretty cool with one tree and my little town of Bethlehem."

And I left it at that...

So, here I sit wondering how in the hell I'm gonna work 7 trees into his life...

Now y'all know I'm not stupid...if I was, I would still be with that other guy...

So, I'm thinking a BJ per tree...Quit clapping...I know it's brilliant!

So if I truly want 7 (although I would be ok with 4), that's really only 1 1/2 a month till it's time to decorate...

And he's SO gonna buy this...

And I think it's a pretty fair deal...

Eat Your Heart Out Angelina...

I adopted a Whale Shark!

Who cares if you have Brad Pitt's babies...

Who by the way is looking awfully rough these days...What the hell are you putting that guy through??

I am the proud new adoptive Mama to a beautiful whale shark. So There!



So, a pod of Whale Sharks was spotted last week about 15 miles off the coast of where I live. Three have been tagged by Mote Marine (the local marine biology lab) and are now being tracked in an effort to learn more about these beautiful creatures.

While reading the article about these giant fuckin fish that I am so fascinated with I noticed a link that said adopt this animal..

Which prompted me to text the boyfriend...

Me: Hey. Wanna adopt a whale shark?

Him: I'm in...Where we gonna keep it? (cuz he's funny like that)

Me: That's the beauty of it...We become his parents and he stays in The Gulf. We don't have to feed him or nothing...And he's tagged, so we will always no where he is.

So today we adopted Dylan, a 25 foot whale shark who weighs like 15 fuckin tons.

And so far he has been the perfect child!


And here he is...

Isn't he a beauty?

I'm learning...

That I kind of suck at being a girlfriend.

Truth be told I think it's just easier to be a wife.

As I've said before I liked being a wife.

I'm not saying that being a wife was a piece of cake...

Especially if you were married to my ex husband!

I'm just finding that I am having to relearn this whole dating thing and it's a lot fuckin harder than I remember.

I think there's something about that little piece of paper...You know the marriage license...that keeps us from sweating the "small stuff" in our relationships.

The boyfriend and I have had our share of hiccups over the last 8 months.

Don't get me wrong our good times far outweigh the bad...and more importantly I completely adore him and can't imagine the last 8 months without him.

I actually think most of our hiccups are because we are SO much alike...

The only real difference that we have is that he is very set in his ways and I'm more of a fly by the seat of your pants...that has definitely caused a few. For instance...He's always on time or early...and I'm ALWAYS 5 to 10 minutes late...and if I get side tracked...you may not see me at all.

I'll chalk a couple of our hiccups up to us both having Italian in our blood...which makes us both a little headstrong...something that has never worked to my advantage considering I'm also a Taurus!

And then there is me...Who can't remember how to be a girlfriend!

Any advice?

Cuz I want to be rid of these hiccups.

I received a text from My Ex lastnight...

And so the text conversation goes...

Him: " I was shot at tonight!"

Me: " Wasn't me."

Me again: "Promise."

I Do...Times Two...

So, court was short and for the most part painless...

My attorney did all of the talking and I was only asked one question by The Judge...

Ironically my response was...

"I do."

How crazy that those are the two words that unite two people as husband and wife and the same two that finalize a divorce.

He didn't show...which I was 95% sure that he wouldn't...boy did it feel good to be right!

I'M NEVER RIGHT!

Although, I do feel that I made the right decision...

So, I guess that makes me right twice...

I would like to thank all of you for being there for me...

My blog friends and most importantly my friends and family who know about this blog...I couldn't have made it through this without any of you. Shit, I would even like to thank the bitchy property manager of my old fancy gated community and the part-time dentist neighbor with the fucked up teeth who gave me quality "Blog Material" and kept my mind off this long drawn out divorce.

And last but certainly not least...

Thank you Lola for being there and loving me rain or shine. You are so nice to come home to and are worth far more than any furniture, art work or electronics that are no longer my belongings. As far as I'm concerned "YOU" being the only thing that I asked for in this divorce was the best decision I ever made...

So that makes three times I'm right!

And so begins the next chapter in my life...

February 22, 2010...

It's over.

My divorce...that is.

Seriously...IT'S OVER!

I'll be back on the 23rd.

And we're keeping with the title of "Life, Love and Lola"

Cuz we still have LIFE...

I've found LOVE...

And praise Jesus we found LOLA...

Bought a new dress too...

Figured you get one on the way in...

Why not on the way out?

Lost and Found

Earlier this week I experienced the most horrifying 21 hours of my fuckin life!

Lola escaped from my parents house on Monday a little after 5 and we were not reunited until shortly before 3 on Tuesday afternoon.

Talk about a nervous wreck!!!

Oh the tears...no sleep...the anxiety...the stress...the 8,000 cigs I smoked...

NOT FUN!!!

I was out the door and back at their house by 7:30 am on Tuesday to begin my search for my lost dog. I made fliers and passed them out to trash men, mailmen and construction workers...all of who were very compassionate and sensitive to my loss.

I drove for miles and in circles for nearly 7 hours looking for her, only making an occasional pit stop at my parents to use the bathroom or refill my water.

Just before I came really close to LOSING MY SHIT I got a call...

A sweet little old lady and her realtor had found her 5 streets north of my parents.

I hightailed it to where they were...and there lay my dog... muddy, wet and scared shitless in the bushes in front of her home.

And I cried...

And she exited the bushes...nearly pummeled me...and began licking me to death.

And I cried some more...

And then I gave her a bath and poured myself a large glass of wine...

Help A Sister Out...

So a girlfriend of mine has entered an essay contest and is now one of the 12 finalists to win an all expense trip to wine country...

She will have this trip in the bag if she earns the most votes between January 26th and January 28th.

So because y'all love me...And because you love wine...You're gonna vote for her...Right??

You know I would never lie to you...So when I say she totally deserves this trip...I mean it!!!

Oh and by the way said girlfriend is also Molly's big sister and because I know y'all love Molly...You're gonna promise to vote...RIGHT???

You can vote for her here

Just simply pop over to that sight...Click on the essay on Hana, Hawaii written by Heather...And I'll heart you forever!!!

I Don't Need No Stinkin Signature...

So...

Because The Fucktard won't cough up his stinkin signature I'm in the middle of gathering all the information required to file a Mandatory Disclosure...

AND IT SUCKS!!!

So once my attorney has 3 months worth of bank statements, credit card statements, payroll deposits, car payments, mutual investments, my last years tax returns, my life insurance policy and a copy of my insurance card in her hot little hands we can set a final hearing without his mother fuckin John Hancock!!!

And as BIG of a pain in the ass all of this is...

There is a light at the end of the tunnel!

Oh...Here's the kicker that actually prompted us to go this route...

She received an email from him earlier this week that said he would sign and return the papers if I would send him $1000 in cash. Says he needs the grand to "get his life back on track."

Seriously??? He lost his job, wife, dog, house, friends and is still unemployed and living with his mother and a FUCKIN GRAND is gonna get his life back on track???

Well I'm here to tell y'all that as much as I would like my precious little papers that are being held ransom...

THAT DELUSIONAL BASTARD ISN'T GETTING A DIME FROM ME!!!

Happy New Year People...

If there are any of you left in here...

I hope that all of you had a FABULOUS holiday season!!!

I changed things up a bit this year...

Only two trees, didn't mail cards, didn't make homemade baileys, no baking, didn't pop in one Christmas CD and I avoided the mall at all costs!!!

Now don't think I'm turning all Scrooge on you...I WOULD NEVER!!!

I did however...

Help my boyfriend and his 12 year old daughter decorate their tree, attend a beautiful performance of The Singing Christmas Tree on Main Street with him and his family...at a church...Celebrated the last night of Hanukkah with Molly and Stereos and Souffles and although we're not Jewish...we had a blast and Molly even created a homemade Menorah, enjoyed my girlfriend's homemade baileys in my coffee on every morning that I didn't have to work, had a wonderful Christmas day at my parents house, ate Stone Crab Claws that were straight off the boat...and the size of my head...on New Years Eve with my boyfriend and my parents and ended the evening with best friends and a kiss at midnight...which is something I haven't had in years...except from The Old Guy...and not that his kisses don't count...this was just a different kind of kiss!

So things are going well...

Actually everything is wonderful...except for a little run in I had at my apartment with a RABID BAT...but the boyfriend took care of said BAT and has won my heart...so it looks like we're keeping him...the boyfriend...not the bat!

With all of that being said...I think it's only fair that I introduce him to you...



I've been real hesitant to blog lately because of my new found happiness...

Mainly because I'm not sure if you know who still lurks around this joint...but I've decided to say "Fuck It!"

Y'all put up with me being miserable for so long I owe it to you to share my happiness with you too...

So there he is...

The guy that is responsible for this big ass smile on my face...