Saturday, May 31, 2008


My Mom (very seriously) said to me today that...

If I let my INNER-REDNECK come out, my life wouldn't seem so BAD.

I reminded her that my life is just one step away from having a TOP 40 COUNTRY HIT...

Between my husband...and my truck...

She said "You're right, you still have your dog."

Thursday, May 29, 2008

For The Birds...

Dear Wild Birds in My Backyard,

And I mean all of you...Black birds, Red Wing Black Birds, Doves, Ducks, and Sand Hill Cranes.

I love to watch you. So does Lola... that's why I feed you. I purchased you your new "Tiki Hut" bird house because I thought it was fun...and cute. I buy you "Woody Woodpeckers Fancy Birdseed Blend" because I figured if HE'S a fan you would be too, and you deserve it.

I was not happy this morning with the condition of The Tiki. What the hell? The shingles are missing, the palm tree is gone, and your roof is all cockeyed. Don't try and blame it on a hurricane...season doesn't start until June 1st.

I'm guessing Jerome (the biggest black bird) had something to do with this. A party perhaps?

I'll make a deal with you. You continue to keep Lola and I entertained and I will continue to feed you.

Just take care of your home, and next time you decide to have a midnight party...Invite us!

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Grandma is on her way...

Should result in something BLOG WORTHY.
Hope when I'm in my 80's I'm as funny as her!

Friday, May 23, 2008



Wow. It was very interesting.

The lizard couple was on one side of the screen enjoying their moment when all of a sudden a male lizard approached on the other side of the screen and began to bite them both.

Now I'm not sure of the situation. It IS possible that she was cheating and he had every right to react like that but after about 5 minutes of nonstop biting I couldn't take it any longer.

Standing outside in the backyard I found myself screaming "LEAVE THEM ALONE!"

Sure hope no one witnessed my emotional outburst as I was all alone.

If so...they must think I'm CRAZY!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008


How I was excited and proud of myself for having my taxes done two days early?

Those SONS OF BITCHES sent them back.

Do they not realize how hard I worked on those?


I did them all by myself. No help. And they were post marked TWO days early!

Problem is....


Monday, May 19, 2008

My New Motto....

Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the
floor in the morning, Satan shudders & says...

'Oh Shit....She's Awake!!'

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Glad I Gave You A Good Laugh...

I was in the car with my parents the other day. I brought up the topic of having my insurance deductible met and how I was trying to knock out all of the Doctor's visits I needed before the end of the year.



Family Practitioner...Check

Me: I need to make an appointment to have my ears cleaned (very serious). Sometimes when I'm at the gym they feel clogged, or I can't hear. It almost sounds muffled. I think I have ear wax!

Them: Hysterically laughing. Laughing. Laughing.

Me: What's so funny?

Them: Laughing. Snorting. Laughing...Most people clean their own ears! Like with a Q-Tip or ear solution.

Me: Well, I don't. Besides, I work right down the hall from an ENT. I'll get him to clean my ears.

Them: Laughing. Go ahead call. Make an appointment. They will laugh at you too.

End of conversation.

Whatever! I haven't called to make an appointment yet, but I will.

Did I really just have this conversation with the same people that tell us as children "NEVER TO STICK ANYTHING SMALLER THAN YOUR ELBOW IN YOUR EAR?"

The Newspaper Police Are On To Me...

Here's the situation...

Almost 1 year ago I noticed that the newspapers that are delivered to the building our clinic is in were still piled at the front door when I left for lunch. So, I began picking one up each morning when I arrived to work, and have so enjoyed reading my morning paper while finishing my coffee before the patients began to arrive.

A couple of months ago a sign was posted where the papers are dropped. It stated that the daily papers belonged to a certain office and to refrain from taking them unless you had paid for one.

There are two things that irritated me...

1. On their sassy little sign they spelled DAILY...DAILEY! I laughed and figured if they couldn't spell DAILY correct there's a very good chance they can't read either. So, the paper is of pretty much no use to them.

2. If I leave the clinic at lunch time and there are still a pile of newspapers when I return at 1:00 PM they are fair game. As far as I'm concerned the information I'm about to read is old news!

So, I've continued to steal the morning news.

Well, two days ago that certain office called our clinic and asked if we paid for a morning paper.


I told them no. Which wasn't a lie (since we weren't paying, we were stealing) and that was that.

I've resisted the urge to pick up a paper for the past two mornings since I'm pretty certain The Newspaper Police are on to me. I do have the Internet so I'm still in touch with what is going on in the world.

But, it really irritated me to return from lunch today to see a paper still sitting by the front door...All Alone! One lonely paper with no one to read it. The day halfway over and that poor paper just sitting there suffocating in it's plastic bag with OLD NEWS!

What do you think? Should I go steal it???

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Education in a bottle???

Just sitting at my desk drinking my SMART WATER....

Hope it works, cuz I've done some STUPID SHIT lately.

Just popped a piece of PEACE OF MIND gum...

Hope that works too!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

1,012 miles and 2 Happy Meals later...

I'm back from my road trip with Dad.

What an adventure! Driving, singing, laughing, and talking. A true bonding experience.

Things worth mentioning:

There was a semi on fire about two hours into our trip which in turn added two hours to our trip. Complete GRIDLOCK in the Florida heat stuck on the interstate. While sitting in traffic I pulled out the atlas to get a better idea of where we were headed. Union Point, GA....G8...This doesn't seem right. Hey Dad...I thought you said we were headed North of Atlanta. G8 is Union Point and that is nowhere near Atlanta. Come to find out there are two Union Points in Georgia. Who knew. Glad we figured that one out when we did! Or else I may not be home yet.

On the road again and finally to Georgia our new destination took us through some interesting towns on a two lane road. One farm had a big sign in their front yard that stated "Thank You Jesus" we used this throughout the rest of our trip.

The family education day went well. My OUTLAWS didn't say a word to me "Thank You Jesus" and my husband seems to be doing well...Again, Thank You.

On our adventure home we got caught in a severe hail storm but survived "Thank You Jesus."

We called into my step mom to keep us updated on the Rays score (Dad's a huge baseball fan).

Dad: What's the score?
Her: Rays are up 1-0 in the eighth.
Dad: Who's pitching?
Her:It's either this player or that player(I can't remember whose names she said I just go to the games for the hot dogs and the cold beer).
Dad: Those players are two different colors!

Funny? I think so.

All in all it was a great trip with my Dad. We made it home safely, I only had to drive an hour and a half out of the 18 hours "Thank You Jesus", And I have a knew found love for Happy Meals...Just no use for the plastic toy inside.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Six Quirky things...

I was tagged by Always Organizing to list 6 Quirky things about me...

1. I love trash day. I find such pleasure in bringing things down to the curb! To me it's such a sense of accomplishment!

2. I love freebies! Any freebie! All freebies! When they arrive in the mail I shout "I WON!" My husband thinks I'm nuts considering I really didn't WIN anything, it was free, and it was given to me...but he laughs every time.

3. I occasionally like a splash of tomato juice in an ice cold beer. With a lime.

4. I do leg lifts in the shower. My husband calls it my water aerobics.

5. I had 5 Christmas trees this past season, and didn't take the 10 ft one in our family room down until almost February. It was still alive...Who throws away a perfectly live tree?

6. I sing to my dog. I can't sing...but I don't think she minds.

So now it's time to tag a few other folks. Here are the rules...1. Link the person who tagged you in your post2. List the rules in the post3. List 6 quirky things about you4.Tag other bloggers by linking to them5.Leave a comment on each person's blog telling them you tagged them.

I tag Life on the Tail of a Comet and The Lining of My Life to list 6 quirky things about you.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

From one extreme to the other...

How ironic that last weekend I was at the HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH and this weekend could potentially be a LIVING HELL.

I know, I know I get to see my husband which will be nice. I'll have my father and his support. Again, nice. But driving 18 plus hours to spend 4 hours with the OUTLAWS who are NOT SO NICE is just gonna SUCK!

My mom's idea is for me to create my own HAPPY PLACE...Vision a bubble around me that no one can enter. A bubble that protects me and is full of happy thoughts and things.


This weekend while my outlaws are shooting me daggers wishing that looks could kill.

I will be happily sitting in my pink and green bubble on my leopard print chaise lounge listening to Jimmy Buffett while Wentworth Miller feeds me a spicy tuna roll and Matthew McConaughey massages my feet (with his shirt off ...of course) as I sip on a glass of Taittinger Champagne.

I know you're jealous!

Tuesday, May 6, 2008


I've been invited to visit husband in Georgia. It's family counseling and education day...

You know what that means...OUT-LAWS!!

I'll be this fish...

In a pool full of these...

Thank GOD I'll have Dad there...

Wish me luck.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Im Back...

From THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH!!! What a fun weekend!

I would like to give a big WOOOOOHOOOOO to my best friend for running her first 5K. You did awesome! I'm proud of you!

And now the celebration begins... Today is my birthday (and I celebrate all month).

Happy birthday to me...Happy Cinco De Mayo to all of you!


Friday, May 2, 2008

Disney Bound...

Off to Disney for Minnie's Marathon Weekend with one of my best friends.

We're running the 5K through Epcot tomorrow morning. Have a great weekend!

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Houston we have a problem...

Who are you Atlanta, Ga?

Leave a comment.

Or go away.

You're making me nervous.

Cuz that's where the rest of the OUT-LAWS live.

I was zoning in on Palm Harbor...How did I forget about Atlanta?

Sometimes a phone call is all you need...

Spoke to my husband for the first time today.

Wow I missed his voice.

His letters have been great. Meaningful. Sincere. Loving.

But that voice...It made my day.

Thanks B,

I really needed to hear your voice.


Your wife

The Traffic Feed...

Is annoying I know.

All of a sudden I'm paranoid.

I discovered that my BIL was on my computer a couple of weeks ago when he was here to pick up my husband. Do you think he found my blog? I really shouldn't care as I believe he is well aware of what a FUCKING TURD I think he is!

I know...I know... Paranoia will Destroy ya.

So instead I'm looking at it like an undercover investigation. FBI if you will.

If Palm Harbor, Florida registers then I'm changing my name and moving to the islands (with Lola of course).

If you're vacationing to the islands this summer maybe we'll meet. I'll be the one mixing your cocktails or maybe braiding your hair on the beach(really doesn't sound that bad).