Friday, February 27, 2009

Against my better judgement...

I'm gonna answer this one.

How did you contribute to the demise of our marriage?
(From my soon to be ex husband)

Dear B,

Where do I begin???

Sad thing is I know where to end. And that actually is the the answer to your question. So I'll start there.


We spent twelve years together. I loved you for all of them. Truth be told I only liked you for nine. It's a lot harder to like someone than it is to love them. Love is Love...It's unconditional. It's Love. I will always love you as you were a huge part of my life.

After Dad died you changed. You lost your love for life. I stuck by you.

Your drinking increased.
You changed jobs.
Our Dog died.
I had a miscarriage.
Our other Dog died.

We went through a lot together. I would like to think that I stayed tough for us. I tried.

Then we decided to move. We needed a fresh start. We built a beautiful home together (farther away from my parents than I really care to be) but you wanted this house. This house that I now live in all alone.

You had a incident at work which resulted in $3,000.00 in at home detox. I removed all alcohol from the house. I told our "true friends" the situation. They understood.

You were sober for awhile.

Then you decided to drink again.

Shortly after our move your sister needed help. She moved in with us. That was the beginning of the end as far as I am concerned.

You had another drinking related issue with work. This time you lost your job.

You lost your job! And I was freaking the fuck out!
Your sister wasn't working either!
Now I had two unemployed "Didn't Do Shit Around The House People" under one roof.

I would come home after a workday to the two of you sitting on the couch drinking and asking "What's for dinner?"

That really pissed me off! That's why I resorted to the gym rather than coming home to y'all. I hated coming home! But eventually I had to. And it sucked!

You drove my Escalade (that was paid for) into a lake forcing me to get a new car...My Tahoe (a car payment we didn't need) which you wrecked shortly thereafter in Georgia.

After that you took a hiatus to New Orleans and Texas to "Find Yourself." You ended up at your best friends house. Your Best Friend...Who eventually kicked you out. Your Best Friend who I flew out to Texas to see (in August) to tell "in person" that I was filing for divorce. Your Best Friend didn't try to talk me out of it.

Where you "Found Yourself" was in the hospital with a blood alcohol content that should have put you in a coma!

Then onto Rehab...


Georgia this time. You were sober for a very long time. 181 days I believe.

I visited you and thought you were going to be okay.

I was ready for this "New Life" you promised me. That's why I still stuck it out.

I never saw that "New Life."

You started drinking again.

I've read and learned a lot about your disease B. I attended more Al-Anon meetings than you know searching for hope.

I'm so sorry that this disease has ruined your life.

But I couldn't let it ruin mine.

For Molly...

Molly was a little late on the Q & A post. I'll forgive her though as she was very frazzled. You see she picked her daughter up from daycare and there was a note in her cubby that one of the children had head lice! She called me and was hysterically freaking out. She threatened to send bugs my way if I didn't answer her questions...

So here you go Molly...

1. What is the craziest thing you have ever done?

Probably jumping off the North Bridge in my bra & panties after partying at The Beach Club. That was just stupid! First of all I could have been arrested for indecent exposure. Second, I could have drowned. And last, do you know how many sharks there probably were all around me? DUMB! JUST DUMB!

2. To date what has your favorite job been?

This is easy! Bartending with you in college! Did we have fun or what? We made a butt load of money on our shifts together! Who doesn't love two hotties behind the bar!!

3. When you win the Lotto how much are you giving me?

Depends on how much you're giving me if you win.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Dear Tampa Bay Buccaneers,

I think you need to have whoever is in charge of making your cuts drug tested.

Clearly that jackass is on CRACK!

Did you read the sports page this morning? Did you see what he did? That jackass cut Derrick Brooks, Joey Galloway, Ike Hilliard and Warrick Dunn! ALL AT ONCE!

Seriously...I think that dude woke up, hit his crack pipe one too many times and thought to himself "How can I make this team really suck?"

If I had the money I would pick all of them up, create my own team and call them The Sarasota Studs. Cuz that's what they are...STUDS! We would win The Superbowl!

I haven't checked the obituaries yet today...

But I pray to God that jackass didn't give Lee Roy Selmon a heart attack! Cuz he almost gave me one!


Life, Love & Lola

Monday, February 23, 2009

The Time Has Come...

For Life, Love & Lola's Place to go private.

I don't think y'all need an explanation as to why...

I hope y'all will follow me. As I love sharing my thoughts and stories with you. Believe me...I have a lot more to tell once we are on the other side.

So bare with me while I'm in the middle of this privacy thing...You are all invited to join me once I get there.

I Promise you'll be really happy to hear about all the good in my life that I've been hesitant to post about.

L,L &L

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Dear More Wine Please,


In all fairness I let Dad pick when he got here today.

All of your names... My readers names... Were placed in my Champagne Bucket...cuz I thought y'all deserved to be placed in Waterford.

And he picked.

Dad picked.

He picked you!

Raise Your Glasses...Cuz It's My Blogiversary

You asked...

I answered...

1. What the hell REALLY happened here when Dad and I went to Connecticut only to come home to a very poor job of covering up a MASSIVE party?
(From Life On The Tail Of A Comet aka My Mom)

Well Comet here is what happened...

My Mia Smiles, PaperCourt, Stereos & Souffles and I were hosting Friday night Bible Study while you were out of town. A group of Jehovah's witnesses showed up with beer, liquor and weed. WE WERE PISSED! So all hell broke loose.

You're not buying that are you?

K. I said I would answer...

I did have a party. I didn't however intend for it to be MASSIVE.

I just invited the regular crowd...

You know... The Football Team, The Baseball Team, My Highland Dance Squad, The Color Guard, The Surfers, The Stoners and even a couple of The Geeks (cuz I'm nice like that).

The party was going rather smoothly until people from "That OTHER High School" showed up. There was a fight and the cops were called. The Football Team took care of the "OTHER" school and The Baseball Team smoothed things over with the cops. The girls and I sat back and ate pizza with The Stoners while The Geeks cleaned up.

Viola...The party continued.

I thought we (I mean The Geeks) did a nice clean up job...Until I awoke one morning after you got home to beer cans, bottle tops, cigarette butts and a condom wrapper (that y'all had found on the property) sitting next to my alarm clock. Just sitting there staring me in the face. Gotta love Dad's punishment! I was terrified to come out of my room for breakfast!

I'll admit to the smokes and to the beers. I promise the condom wasn't mine (or his). I'm still a virgin...That's why you don't have Grandchildren yet!!!

Just be grateful I didn't burn the house down (like I almost did to my very own recently). And know that y'all were missed at the party. You would have had a blast!

Hindsight...I'm wishing that Molly aka "Our Mother Hen" would have been on clean up duty. I most likely would not have gotten caught. But she was nowhere to be found...I'm thinking she may have the answer to the condom wrapper??? (Just kidding Molly)

2. What is your favorite wine?
(From Shannie)

Well as for color I prefer Red. Preferably a Merlot or a Pinot Noir.

My favorite wine in the entire world is Groth. It made me really sad just writing that...Cuz it doesn't fit in my budget anymore. Next to that I guess the answer would be wine at my parents or neighbors house...Cuz it's free!

3. If Lola wanted a friend, what kind of dog would you pick for her and why?
(From Shannie)

I SOOO want a Goldendoodle! Lola does too! They are smart, beautiful and best of all they don't shed! I would get a female and most likely call her Lily (I'm still saving never know). The reason we haven't gotten one is because again...It doesn't fit my budget!

Shit Shannie...Your questions made me feel poor.

4. My question is how many pairs of shoes DO you have?
(From My Mia Smiles)

Last I counted I had 94 pair. Hang on...I'll go count again as they seem to multiply like bunnies.

K. I'm back and just as I suspected they multiplied. 99 pair. Good God what goes on in there when the doors are shut? Note to self...Leave closet doors open.

5. What's your favorite piece of clothing/accessory/or designer?
(From KD Lost)

I bought a pair of Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses a year and a half ago while visiting The Dominican Republic. They were A LOT more than I usually spend, but I can assure you I deserved them and I love them with all my heart!

I'm also loving My Big Buddha handbag from Addison Craig. Even though it is somewhat of a black hole!

6. Favorite brand of Jeans & Shoes & hair product?
(From More Wine Please)

I love my French Connection jeans. I love the length and they are oh so comfy! I loved them enough that I have two exact pair.

Obviously y'all know my love of shoes. What's funny though is you will most often find me in my Havaianas. I have nine pair. They are all different. Some more fancy than others, but I love them all equally the same!

I don't really use hair products. So I guess the answer is my brush.

P.S. About Comet's blog...She got rid of it! I think we should kick her ass!

7. Will you go for a windsurfing date with your Dad around May 5th 2009?
(Dad's question)

Are you kidding me? I will go on a date with you ANY DAY...ANY TIME! It would be my honor to spend May 5th on the water with you! Let's not forget that is also my birthday...and Cinco De Mayo...So Margaritas,Coronas and Presents MUST be involved! Tell the sharks to take the day off and I'm there! Thanks for stopping by Dad...And thanks for hanging the moon! XOXO

8. I decided to delete this one.

Here is to all of you who have endured this year with me.

Thank you.

I raise my glass to you.

All of you.

You've saved my life more than you know.

Life,Love & Lola

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

I Accidently...

Heated my entire pool!


That's almost as bad as when my Mom left my gas stove on for like 24 hours!

And is SO not fitting my "Be More Green" lifestyle.

I just got home from running and was hoping to get in the pool to COOL OFF...
No such luck...Cuz it's fucking hot!

My gas bill is going to cut into my Hawaii savings.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Ask Lola...

My Blogiversary and The Florida Care Package Giveaway are 4 days away!

I've decided to let you ask me questions...Any question and I will answer your questions in My Blogiversary Post.

Not that I don't already spill my guts to all of you...But maybe there is something your curious about...Or maybe you don't give a shit and you just visit this place to make your own lives seem more normal.

So ask...

Dear Dude That I met at Rays Fan Fest Last Weekend,

Lose my number!

Seriously...LOSE IT!

I don't typically give out my number in the first place...But you were there having fun, you're a Rays fan, you like dogs, you were easy to talk to, you seemed nice enough and I thought if nothing else I had made a new friend.


Maybe I appeared innocent and Naive...Don't let the pigtails fool you!!

When I got home I googled your ass. Yuck! You mentioned you were a photographer... However, you didn't mention you were THAT TYPE of photographer.

I want to vomit just thinking that while WE were talking baseball YOU were probably picturing me half naked sprawled out on the hood of one of your sports cars sucking on a lollipop.


Seriously...Lose my number! I'm SOOO not your type...I have class! You're not tall enough for me anyhow!



Sunday, February 15, 2009

Girls Night "Old School" Style

Beginning of The Night...

Last Call...

Notice we are minus one...She just started way before we did.

What a blast! I've known this crew since middle school and high school! Talk about silliness!


What I grew!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Playing Cupid...Life, Love & Lola Style...


My girlfriend looks at me and says: "Shit, tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I don't have anything for my husband...Not even a card"

Me: "Hang on...We can fix this"

Me again (to other girlfriend in the group): "See if the bartender has some scissors"

Request granted and scissors in hand I cut a perfect heart out of a Budweiser coaster...thinking maybe we could make him a card.

One Budweiser Heart was not enough...

And then there were two.

Her: "How about this?" (holding both Budweiser Hearts up to her boobs)

Me: "Pasties! Great idea! Now all you need is a pair of red panties and some tape. It will be his best Valentine's Day ever!"

And she is SOOO gonna do it!

How's that for creativity?

Thursday, February 12, 2009

You Know You Have A Cool Relationship With Your Parents When...

You receive a Valentine in the mail from them and instead of reading...

"To A Wonderful Daughter On Valentine's Day...With Love Mom & Dad"

It Reads...

"We Hope Your Valentine's Day Reads Like A Trashy Romance Novel"

Thanks guys! I hope so too!

Actually, I hope the rest of my life reads like A Trashy Romance Novel...

Minus Fabio. He's really not my type.

Instead...I'll take a 6 foot something, athletic, handsome, dog loving, foot rubbing, wants to spoil me rotten, good cooking Hunk!


You'd still read that novel right?

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


I was tagged by Fingerprints On The Fridge to list 7 random things about Yours Truly. I've actually done this tag a couple of times...But believe it or not there are still random things that y'all don't know about me.

1. I was in a terrible car accident in 1998 while visiting Colorado and had to be airlifted via helicopter to a Trauma Center for emergency surgery. I should have died in that wreck. I didn't...And that's why I believe in Guardian Angels...AND SEAT BELTS!

2. I don't drink soda. Or pop. Or coke. Or whatever you call it in your neck of the woods.

3. The first time I ever saw a diseased smoker's lung in the OR I hit the floor. Seriously, I passed out! I smoked at the time and quit "Cold Turkey" for 8 months. I currently smoke again and wish I could quit...NOW is just not the time. I hate that I smoke! I hate the smell and have never smoked inside my home. Also, it's expensive! Just think of all the new shoes I could buy with my savings if I quit...I may need to rethink this.

4. I miss my Father-In-Law. EVERYDAY. Notice the "IN." I never referred to him as an "Out-Law." He was different from the rest of them. He and I were close. He treated me like a daughter. I'm mentioning him today as it is his birthday. I've spent a lot of time wondering how my life would be different if he hadn't taken his.

5. As a child, I believed in The Easter Bunny long after I stopped believing in Santa. Now that's just weird...

6. I love the name Olivia. If I ever have a daughter that's what I want to name her. If I don't...That's what I'll name my next dog.

7. As a little girl I never wanted a pony. Horses scare the shit out of me!

Thanks for the tag Fingerprints On The Fridge. Go check out her blog. She's from Canada. And has a four legged little one named Ella who is a fluff ball full of cuteness!!!

I tag any of you who are lacking some material to post about...

Sunday, February 8, 2009

I Have Been Blessed

With the most wonderful relationships one could ever ask for!

As Valentines Day approaches...

I've reflected and thought about what "True Love" really is.

Valentines Day Is Not Just For Lovers...It is about those who have touched your heart.

Here's to those who have touched my heart.

Carol: Losing my Mother to Cancer and having you embrace me as your very own.

Lola: Losing my Dog unexpectedly in the middle of the night. I didn't want you. My girlfriend's husband insisted I needed a puppy. We got you. I can't imagine life without you!

April: Why in the hell did I move?

My Girls: The ones I've told about "Lola's Place"...My Besties (you know who you are)

My Blog Sisters...Holy shit Y'all keep me sane!

Dad: "Have you heard the latest???" (Inside joke) You own my heart forever! I've never met a cooler man!

*EDITED TO ADD* If you know about "Lola's Place" and I didn't mention you specifically...You too have touched my heart. I don't share this "Place" with just anyone...So consider yourself special!


What my credit card bought me for Valentines Day! Does he know me too well or what?

Guess he forgot about the HOT PINK iPod Nano he already bought me...I really wasn't expecting anything else!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

My Blogiversary

Is approaching rather quickly.

February 21st will mark my year anniversary of starting this blog.

In recognition to "My Blog" (aka... My Happy Place...My Outlet...My Me Time)

I'm including ALL OF YOU in my celebration.


The rules...

Just leave a comment...Or a compliment...Or make me laugh.

And you're entered! For the next 16 days you can enter once a day. Whoever leaves the most comments (or tells me how pretty I am) WINS!!

Just like that...And you'll receive a Florida care package from Life, Love & Lola.

A Funny Memory

I was on the phone last night with an old friend and he reminded me of this story.

Thought I would share...

When I was in college I got this wild hair one school break to move from Tallahassee to Gainesville. The plan was to move in with three of my best friends from high school and make a fresh start (as the only thing I was accomplishing in Tallahassee was my drinking tolerance).

So I packed up my shit, had a friend drive me down and help me move in. Being that it was a school break, my girlfriends were home visiting their families. So I just unloaded my shit and decided to go back to Tallahassee to say my goodbyes over the course of the weekend.

After many drinks and many tears I decided I didn't want to leave.

I awoke on Sunday and called this guy I worked with (the friend who I spoke with last night) and asked if he had plans for the day.

His response: "No, What's up?"

Mine: "Can you drive me to Gainesville and help me get my shit? I don't want to move."

So, we head down to Gator Country in his truck to load up.

Packed and ready to go we are unable to open both driver and passenger doors to get inside. I would like to think he was distracted by my beauty while tying my mattress down, but I'm pretty sure he just wanted to get me, my shit and himself home.

He tied the fucking doors shut!

We laughed! And laughed!! And laughed!!!

He felt like an idiot. I never knew this until last night, as he looked at this field trip as an opportunity to get to know me. We retied the mattress and we were on our way.

A couple of miles into the trip, my mattress flew off the back of the truck and into the middle of I-75! HOLY SHIT! We could have killed someone! And he most certainly could have been killed trying to retrieve it from the interstate! And why did I really need that dirty mattress?

But he got it, he retied it, we laughed some more (actually the whole way home) and then we got some beer.

After that field trip we ended up dating.

Most likely cuz we laughed so much (and y'all know how much I love silliness). Or maybe cuz he was really cute. Or maybe cuz he was in a band (and wrote a song about me). Or maybe a lot of other reasons...

Anyhow, during our conversation last night he was saying how he tells this story all the time... And to this day apparently still feels like an idiot. On the other hand...I forgot about the whole thing! Guess I killed those brain cells when I got back to Tallahassee.

I said "If we just would have gotten into your truck Dukes of Hazard style we would have made it."

And we laughed again.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

There Goes The Neighborhood!

It was brought to my attention the other day that A REGISTERED SEXUAL PREDATOR and his roommate A REGISTERED SEXUAL OFFENDER moved into my neighborhood last week.


The neighborhood where you need to be on a list to enter if you aren't a resident and where you have a clicker if you are.

The neighborhood where they call you at night if you've left your garage door open (which is every night in my case...I actually think I do it on purpose...I like his call every night! I think I sleep better knowing that Barney Fife at the front gate is looking out for me).

The neighborhood that won't let your own Father through if their computers are down as they cannot access "Your People List".

The neighborhood where you get reminders not to park overnight in the street or that your lawn needs attention.

This neighborhood just allowed 2 CONVICTED SEXUAL PREDATORS to move in!

Are you fucking kidding me?

I searched them on The Registered Offender Site and they live.09 miles from me. I'm freaking the fuck out!

I don't lock my doors... And on nice evenings I sleep with all my sliders open. I like having an open house. That's just how we roll here at Lola's place. It's been safe for almost 4 years...and now this.

Guess I will be making some changes...

Locking doors, closing the garage (I'll miss your late night calls Barney), getting Lola a Pitt Bull to play with, using my alarm, sleeping with an axe next to my bed and no more running to the laundry room naked!

I don't like change!

I'm pissed!