Friday, July 31, 2009

Search Term Fun

Someone landed in Lola's Place today by Googling...


What the fuck? Seriously...That's a song? Have y'all heard of this song?

Or maybe it's Jesus sending me a sign...

Perhaps He wants me to know that He is going to rescue me from the hell I'm living in...

I'm gonna go with that...Cuz I just don't think that is a song.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

The Old Guy

Cracks me up!!!

So I went to The Rays game last night. I'm not sure how many games total that is for me so far this season. Anyhow...They have lost every game that I have attended.

So I get an email from The Old Guy this morning asking me " If The Rays ever win from time to time?"

Now The Old Guy doesn't watch baseball...I think he just checks the score when he knows I am there. That's why he thinks all they do is lose.

I responded to his email telling him "They only win when I'm NOT there."

This email just came to my inbox...

Dear Mrs. So and So (the former and soon to be Miss So and So),

We the management of the Rays would very much appreciate it if in the future you have an interest in attending any of our home games that you do so in disguise. We would be glad to treat you to an $8 beer or two if you can comply.

I know how much the Rays mean to you so I feel you will automatically agree to this.

Thanks to you in advance,

The Rays Management team

Tuesday, July 28, 2009


In my own house!


The moving truck arrived yesterday to get the rest of his stuff. Couches, Bedroom Set, TV, Grill, Stereo etc...

All stuff that I agreed that he could have...Cuz I think all those "Things" are a fair trade for Lola. I mean they are just "Things!"

So now I'm down to the bare minimum.

I've never really watched that much TV...I usually put on music when I come home from work...Now I can't do either...And I totally feel like I'm camping all of a sudden.

Y'all know I hate camping!

Oh...Something I forgot to mention...

There is one thing that the moving truck forgot...


I think I've died and gone to hell...

Friday, July 24, 2009


My Dear Friend over at Stereos & Souffles is having a Summertime Giveaway. Pop over to her rockin blog to enter.
She has all sorts of goodies to make your day at the beach complete.
Minus the alcohol...
Or a smokin hot surfer boy to rub lotion on your back...
You'll have to find those on your own...

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Packing Under The Influence...

Results in boxes being labeled...
"Big Ass Wine Glasses"

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


1. Looks like they are buying the house...So I'm busy packing. EVERY.FUCKIN.NIGHT. And I'm over it...But there isn't a damn thing I can do about it!

2. I've decided not to accept my friends proposal to have his children...I think I already have enough shit on my plate and am in no position to give up my wine or Xanax right now.

3. Speaking of children...I taught Molly's 3 year old to sing "My Milkshake Brings All The Boys To The Yard..." while shaking her hip to the side...I'm pretty proud of this!

4. I'm still not sure what I'm suppose to do with all of my wedding pictures. I know that people with children save that kind of stuff...But what do I do? Don't even say burn them...

Friday, July 17, 2009


Make The World Go Round!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Look What I Got...

The "Honest Scrap” award is not one to hold all to yourself... it must be shared!

First, the recipient has to tell 10 true things about themselves in their blog that no one else knows.
Second, the recipient has to pass along this prestigious award to 10 more bloggers.
Third, those 10 bloggers all have to be notified that they have been given this award.
Those 10 bloggers that receive this award should link back to the blog that awarded them “The Honest Scrap" award.

After the day I had yesterday I was thrilled to wake up to this! Fancy Schmancy you made my day! Thank you!

Oh Boy...
10 things you don't know about me???
Shit, I already share everything with y'all being that you're my therapists and all.

Ok...Here goes...

1. Awhile back I was tagged to do a Meme. One of the questions was "When was the last time you threw up?" There is a reason I remembered the exact day...

On September 16, 2007 I got a DUI and spent the night in jail. It was the most horrifying night of my life. I was scared and humiliated! I was embarrassed...I didn't belong in jail! After my husband bailed me out and I was home safely I threw up for hours and swore I would never drink again...And not because I was hungover...Because the whole experience left me feeling dirty and disgusting. I'm sharing this with you because it can happen to anyone...My experience was not only a lesson to me, it was also a lesson to my friends and family. We are all a lot more cautious and either have a DD or catch a cab...Or we just get shitfaced at home.

2. I lost my virginity to Molly's big brother.

3. Even though this divorce has been a nightmare...I totally want to get married again...And I know that I will.

4. One night in college my roomate and I stole a Christmas Tree from Publix and shoved it in my Toyota Corolla. It was so big that she couldn't sit in front seat so we drove home with her on my lap. She was in charge of steering while I manned the breaks...Lucky I didn't end up in jail that night!

5. My Waterford wedding cake knife is for sale on ebay right now.

6. I tell my stepmom everything and I mean EVERYTHING and I'm so happy that I can...And that she doesn't judge...Or share with my dad!

7. I'm a salt-o-holic! BIG TIME!

8. I'm still friends with every guy I've ever dated.

9. I'm both excited and scared about moving out of my house.

10. I think about moving to Hawaii at least 8,000 times a day...But you already knew that didn't you?

I tag Stereos and Souffles and whichever other 9 of you want to do this.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Lucky Old Guy...

Here's a shot from the 4th of July of The Old Guy in all his glory. He has a lot more girlfriends...But we are his three favorite.
He's kinda The Hugh Hefner of our neighborhood...
Except he doesn't wear a robe...
And we're not Blonde Bombshells with Double D's.
Gonna miss The Old Guy when I move...

Friday, July 10, 2009

Friday Fill Ins

1. I grew up thinking... my Dad hung the moon and I still do.

2. Facebook...was the last website I was at before coming here.

3. Why don't you...guys each send me $100 so that I can catch the next flight back to Hawaii?

4. A glass of Red Wine, Sex and a ciggy... helps me relax. (and not necessarily in that order)

5. Thanks for the... laugh this morning Molly! She's trying to trap an obnoxious Raccoon that is coming in her lanai at night...Instead she trapped her cat!!! That's some funny shit!

6. LAUNDRY... is very off-putting.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to...Relaxing at home... tomorrow my plans include...GIRLS GONE WILD...WHOOP WHOOP... and Sunday I will be... At Tropicana field watching The Rays kick some ass while drooling over Evan Longoria's backside!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Cow Appreciation Day...

Is this Friday at Chick-Fil-A! Now I'm not a Cow Restaurant junkie...Probably since I don't have kids.

But I know a couple of people who are...Molly being one of them.

So I got word that if you go to Chick-Fil-A on Friday dressed as a cow you'll get a free meal.

So (insert light bulb here) I texted Molly and dared her to do it.

Her responding text read: "How many nuggets are we talking?? It may be worth it. I could crawl in there on all four with a bell around my neck eating grass. Or I could have Mini Me( her 3 yr old) do it...She would think it is cool...Do you think their floor is clean?"

Then last night she tells me she has come up with a better costume...

Molly: "I've decided I'm gonna wear my maternity bra with flaps open and let my UDDERS hang out. You think I'll get a free meal?"

Me: "I think you're gonna get more than that!"

Molly again: "I told Hubby and he's cool with it..." He said "Just do it at The Cow Restaurant by Life Love and Lola's House."

And that folks is why I have kept her around for 23 years. She's pretty fuckin funny!

Monday, July 6, 2009

Seven Deadly Sins...

Sometimes you can learn more about a person by what they don’t tell you. Sometimes you can learn a lot from the things they just make up. If you are tagged with this Meme, lie to me.

Then tag 7 other folks (one for each deadly sin) and hope they can lie.

1. Pride-What is your biggest contribution to the world?

Well I invented The Beer Bong and I take great pride in knowing that I've contributed to helping people feel good...and helping ugly people get laid!

Envy-What do your coworkers have that you wish was yours?

There is a guy I work with who is a COMPLETE ASS CLOWN! His personality really sucks and most people dislike him...Most days I wish I were more like him

Gluttony-What did you eat last night?

There is this Armadillo that is bothering the shit out of Lola and I. Like Every.Fuckin.Night. So last night I got the axe from the garage, killed the bastard and sauteed him in garlic and olive oil. Then I served him over linguine. Shh...Don't tell The Old Guy. I told him it was chicken.

Lust-What really lights your fire?

Dudes strolling the beach in Banana Hammocks with really hairy backs and giant beer bellies...God that's HOT!

Anger-What is the last thing that really pissed you off?

I won the lottery on Saturday night and I'm pissed cuz I don't know what to spend my money on first!

Greed-Name something you hoard and keep from others

That would have to be my cockroach collection. I made them a nice little village in my husbands closet...They like it in there.

Sloth-What’s the laziest thing you ever did?

I frequently go to work pantyless cuz I don't feel like doing laundry.

Hey I'm a better liar than I thought...

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

This Comment...


Anonymous said...
If it had that much of an impact on you then maybe you shouldn't have been so hard on him....from reading through your blog I can pretty much tell the story....And in Marriage it is for better or for worse and if you knew anything about alcoholism you would understand that it is like a cancer and that you can't hate someone with cancer...and from reading your day to day I think you need to take a LONG HARD DEEP LOOK at yourself and recognize that you potentially have a problem as well!!! Good luck

Dear Anonymous,

Seriously??? I shouldn't have been so hard on him? Where did you get the impression that I was hard on him? Actually it was the opposite... I probably wasn't hard enough on him and the reason being is because I DO understand that Alcoholism is a disease that he had no control over. That being said I didn't ask anything of him cuz I knew even a simple request such as emptying the dishwasher was more than he could handle.

You use the word HATE...I'm here to tell you that I don't HATE anyone...Him included. I have had people shit on me and let me down throughout the course of my life and maybe I have chosen to disassociate myself from those people...But I don't HATE them.

I agree...Marriage is for BETTER or WORSE. And all you can do is hope that the BETTER outweighs the WORSE! But what happens when it becomes for WORSE or WORSE...And then it gets WORSE???

As far as taking a look at myself... I did about a year ago.

I woke up one morning and weighed 98 lbs and I realized I did have a problem. The problem was that I was in an unhappy marriage and I had stopped taking care of me. I realized at that point that I couldn't fix my husband but I COULD fix myself.

So Anonymous Smarty Pants you really can't tell the story from reading my blog...Cuz as far as I'm concerned you don't know JACK SHIT about me or my life.

And as much as your comment rattled my nerves...

I don't hate you.