In my next life I'm going to be a Yard Woman

Dear BITCHY Property Manager of My Fancy Gated Community,

I'm writing this letter to Thank you for the nasty letter you recently mailed.

You stated that "my lawn is in need of some attention." My first thought was to tell you that if you have nothing better to do than worry about MY LAWN then YOU "are in need of some attention."

Then I remembered that this is a thank you letter....

This morning I awoke at 7:00 a.m., made coffee, walked Lola, and then got busy. By 8:00 a.m. I felt like a new woman. Yard work is very therapeutic! I don't currently see a therapist, but if in the future I decide I need one I won't bother. I will simply pick up my gloves and clippers and go to town. You saved me hundreds between not hiring a lawn man and not paying a shrink! Thank you!

I cracked open a cold beer at 10:00 a.m. while waiting for my Father to arrive to help. Who knew beer tasted so good at 10:00 a.m.? Again, thank you!

Dad and I spent some good quality time, got some sun, burned a ton of calories, drank a beer, and the yard looks great, all because of YOU!!

So, Thank you BITCHY Property Manager for helping me save money, clear my head, bond with Dad, get a tan, stay skinny, and feel great all before 1:30 on a Saturday afternoon! YOU ROCK!

Time to go lay by the pool and take a nap.

Could you send me a letter next week about my garage needing attention? Please.

Yours Truly,

The tan skinny bitch who WILL have the nicest yard on the block (eventually)