ALOHA!

So our trip is booked!

Sing along with me...

"We're leaving on a jet plane..."

On May 9th and will return on the 20th.

Well...She's returning for sure.

I may not.

I mean if some studly surfer sweeps me off my feet...

I'M STAYING!

Anyhow...I.CAN'T.WAIT!

Of course now I have almost two months to deal with my flight anxiety...

But that's what wine and Xanax are for. Right?

So the countdown begins...

Now This Makes Me Smile...

Lola and I had a photo shoot yesterday. And No it wasn't that crazy perv I met at Rays Fan Fest who took our pictures. These are compliments of The Old Guy. Thought I would share...

Help Is On The Way...

I'm having a REALLY SHITTY DAY!

Seriously, I.HATE.TODAY!

I've never hated a Saturday in my life...

UNTIL TODAY!

FUCK YOU TODAY!

I HATE YOU!

Thank God my parents and a best friend are on their way.

I Have Nothing...

So I will redirect you here for some funny!

Y'all didn't know I was a "Funny Patrol Officer"

Did you?

Just looking out for you! "They" say laughter adds more years to our lives then a kickboxing class...I'm still wondering who in the hell these "They" people are!

The Cavemen maybe?? Cuz it's seems like "They" have been around for ages!

I want y'all to laugh.

I just can't do that for you today.

So go there.

This post on Wynonna takes the cake!

Promise you will laugh.

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree...

Yesterday I spent the day with my parents. We had a fabulous lunch. And then we shopped! Dad was such a good sport! We rewarded him with a drink at Hooters after our "Shop Fest" was over.

Anyhow, the point of my title is my Mom went home with 5 new pair of shoes. That's not even her record...She's bought 7 pair in one day before! Clearly there is problem in our family!

Against my better judgement...

I'm gonna answer this one.

How did you contribute to the demise of our marriage?
(From my soon to be ex husband)

Dear B,

Where do I begin???

Sad thing is I know where to end. And that actually is the the answer to your question. So I'll start there.

I GAVE UP.
I GAVE UP ON YOU.
THERE I SAID IT.

We spent twelve years together. I loved you for all of them. Truth be told I only liked you for nine. It's a lot harder to like someone than it is to love them. Love is Love...It's unconditional. It's Love. I will always love you as you were a huge part of my life.

After Dad died you changed. You lost your love for life. I stuck by you.

Your drinking increased.
You changed jobs.
Our Dog died.
I had a miscarriage.
Our other Dog died.

We went through a lot together. I would like to think that I stayed tough for us. I tried.

Then we decided to move. We needed a fresh start. We built a beautiful home together (farther away from my parents than I really care to be) but you wanted this house. This house that I now live in all alone.

You had a incident at work which resulted in $3,000.00 in at home detox. I removed all alcohol from the house. I told our "true friends" the situation. They understood.

You were sober for awhile.

Then you decided to drink again.

Shortly after our move your sister needed help. She moved in with us. That was the beginning of the end as far as I am concerned.

You had another drinking related issue with work. This time you lost your job.

You lost your job! And I was freaking the fuck out!
Your sister wasn't working either!
Now I had two unemployed "Didn't Do Shit Around The House People" under one roof.

I would come home after a workday to the two of you sitting on the couch drinking and asking "What's for dinner?"

That really pissed me off! That's why I resorted to the gym rather than coming home to y'all. I hated coming home! But eventually I had to. And it sucked!

You drove my Escalade (that was paid for) into a lake forcing me to get a new car...My Tahoe (a car payment we didn't need) which you wrecked shortly thereafter in Georgia.

After that you took a hiatus to New Orleans and Texas to "Find Yourself." You ended up at your best friends house. Your Best Friend...Who eventually kicked you out. Your Best Friend who I flew out to Texas to see (in August) to tell "in person" that I was filing for divorce. Your Best Friend didn't try to talk me out of it.

Where you "Found Yourself" was in the hospital with a blood alcohol content that should have put you in a coma!

Then onto Rehab...

Again.

Georgia this time. You were sober for a very long time. 181 days I believe.

I visited you and thought you were going to be okay.

I was ready for this "New Life" you promised me. That's why I still stuck it out.

I never saw that "New Life."

You started drinking again.

I've read and learned a lot about your disease B. I attended more Al-Anon meetings than you know searching for hope.

I'm so sorry that this disease has ruined your life.

But I couldn't let it ruin mine.

For Molly...

Molly was a little late on the Q & A post. I'll forgive her though as she was very frazzled. You see she picked her daughter up from daycare and there was a note in her cubby that one of the children had head lice! She called me and was hysterically freaking out. She threatened to send bugs my way if I didn't answer her questions...

So here you go Molly...


1. What is the craziest thing you have ever done?

Probably jumping off the North Bridge in my bra & panties after partying at The Beach Club. That was just stupid! First of all I could have been arrested for indecent exposure. Second, I could have drowned. And last, do you know how many sharks there probably were all around me? DUMB! JUST DUMB!


2. To date what has your favorite job been?

This is easy! Bartending with you in college! Did we have fun or what? We made a butt load of money on our shifts together! Who doesn't love two hotties behind the bar!!

3. When you win the Lotto how much are you giving me?

Depends on how much you're giving me if you win.

Dear Tampa Bay Buccaneers,

I think you need to have whoever is in charge of making your cuts drug tested.

Clearly that jackass is on CRACK!

Did you read the sports page this morning? Did you see what he did? That jackass cut Derrick Brooks, Joey Galloway, Ike Hilliard and Warrick Dunn! ALL AT ONCE!

Seriously...I think that dude woke up, hit his crack pipe one too many times and thought to himself "How can I make this team really suck?"

If I had the money I would pick all of them up, create my own team and call them The Sarasota Studs. Cuz that's what they are...STUDS! We would win The Superbowl!

I haven't checked the obituaries yet today...

But I pray to God that jackass didn't give Lee Roy Selmon a heart attack! Cuz he almost gave me one!

I'm NOT happy! NOT.HAPPY.AT.ALL.

Life, Love & Lola

The Time Has Come...

For Life, Love & Lola's Place to go private.

I don't think y'all need an explanation as to why...

I hope y'all will follow me. As I love sharing my thoughts and stories with you. Believe me...I have a lot more to tell once we are on the other side.

So bare with me while I'm in the middle of this privacy thing...You are all invited to join me once I get there.

I Promise you'll be really happy to hear about all the good in my life that I've been hesitant to post about.

XOXO,
L,L &L

Dear More Wine Please,

YOU WON!

In all fairness I let Dad pick when he got here today.

All of your names... My readers names... Were placed in my Champagne Bucket...cuz I thought y'all deserved to be placed in Waterford.

And he picked.

Dad picked.

He picked you!

Raise Your Glasses...Cuz It's My Blogiversary

You asked...

I answered...

1. What the hell REALLY happened here when Dad and I went to Connecticut only to come home to a very poor job of covering up a MASSIVE party?
(From Life On The Tail Of A Comet aka My Mom)

Well Comet here is what happened...

My Mia Smiles, PaperCourt, Stereos & Souffles and I were hosting Friday night Bible Study while you were out of town. A group of Jehovah's witnesses showed up with beer, liquor and weed. WE WERE PISSED! So all hell broke loose.

You're not buying that are you?

K. I said I would answer...

I did have a party. I didn't however intend for it to be MASSIVE.

I just invited the regular crowd...

You know... The Football Team, The Baseball Team, My Highland Dance Squad, The Color Guard, The Surfers, The Stoners and even a couple of The Geeks (cuz I'm nice like that).

The party was going rather smoothly until people from "That OTHER High School" showed up. There was a fight and the cops were called. The Football Team took care of the "OTHER" school and The Baseball Team smoothed things over with the cops. The girls and I sat back and ate pizza with The Stoners while The Geeks cleaned up.

Viola...The party continued.

I thought we (I mean The Geeks) did a nice clean up job...Until I awoke one morning after you got home to beer cans, bottle tops, cigarette butts and a condom wrapper (that y'all had found on the property) sitting next to my alarm clock. Just sitting there staring me in the face. Gotta love Dad's punishment! I was terrified to come out of my room for breakfast!

I'll admit to the smokes and to the beers. I promise the condom wasn't mine (or his). I'm still a virgin...That's why you don't have Grandchildren yet!!!

Just be grateful I didn't burn the house down (like I almost did to my very own recently). And know that y'all were missed at the party. You would have had a blast!

Hindsight...I'm wishing that Molly aka "Our Mother Hen" would have been on clean up duty. I most likely would not have gotten caught. But she was nowhere to be found...I'm thinking she may have the answer to the condom wrapper??? (Just kidding Molly)

2. What is your favorite wine?
(From Shannie)

Well as for color I prefer Red. Preferably a Merlot or a Pinot Noir.

My favorite wine in the entire world is Groth. It made me really sad just writing that...Cuz it doesn't fit in my budget anymore. Next to that I guess the answer would be wine at my parents or neighbors house...Cuz it's free!

3. If Lola wanted a friend, what kind of dog would you pick for her and why?
(From Shannie)

I SOOO want a Goldendoodle! Lola does too! They are smart, beautiful and best of all they don't shed! I would get a female and most likely call her Lily (I'm still saving Oliva...you never know). The reason we haven't gotten one is because again...It doesn't fit my budget!

Shit Shannie...Your questions made me feel poor.

4. My question is how many pairs of shoes DO you have?
(From My Mia Smiles)

Last I counted I had 94 pair. Hang on...I'll go count again as they seem to multiply like bunnies.

K. I'm back and just as I suspected they multiplied. 99 pair. Good God what goes on in there when the doors are shut? Note to self...Leave closet doors open.

5. What's your favorite piece of clothing/accessory/or designer?
(From KD Lost)

I bought a pair of Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses a year and a half ago while visiting The Dominican Republic. They were A LOT more than I usually spend, but I can assure you I deserved them and I love them with all my heart!

I'm also loving My Big Buddha handbag from Addison Craig. Even though it is somewhat of a black hole!

6. Favorite brand of Jeans & Shoes & hair product?
(From More Wine Please)

I love my French Connection jeans. I love the length and they are oh so comfy! I loved them enough that I have two exact pair.

Obviously y'all know my love of shoes. What's funny though is you will most often find me in my Havaianas. I have nine pair. They are all different. Some more fancy than others, but I love them all equally the same!

I don't really use hair products. So I guess the answer is my brush.

P.S. About Comet's blog...She got rid of it! I think we should kick her ass!

7. Will you go for a windsurfing date with your Dad around May 5th 2009?
(Dad's question)

Are you kidding me? I will go on a date with you ANY DAY...ANY TIME! It would be my honor to spend May 5th on the water with you! Let's not forget that is also my birthday...and Cinco De Mayo...So Margaritas,Coronas and Presents MUST be involved! Tell the sharks to take the day off and I'm there! Thanks for stopping by Dad...And thanks for hanging the moon! XOXO

8. I decided to delete this one.

Here is to all of you who have endured this year with me.

Thank you.

I raise my glass to you.

All of you.

You've saved my life more than you know.

XOXO,
Life,Love & Lola

I Accidently...

Heated my entire pool!

SHIT!

That's almost as bad as when my Mom left my gas stove on for like 24 hours!

And is SO not fitting my "Be More Green" lifestyle.

I just got home from running and was hoping to get in the pool to COOL OFF...
No such luck...Cuz it's fucking hot!

My gas bill is going to cut into my Hawaii savings.