Friday, February 27, 2009
I'm gonna answer this one.
How did you contribute to the demise of our marriage?
(From my soon to be ex husband)
Where do I begin???
Sad thing is I know where to end. And that actually is the the answer to your question. So I'll start there.
I GAVE UP.
I GAVE UP ON YOU.
THERE I SAID IT.
We spent twelve years together. I loved you for all of them. Truth be told I only liked you for nine. It's a lot harder to like someone than it is to love them. Love is Love...It's unconditional. It's Love. I will always love you as you were a huge part of my life.
After Dad died you changed. You lost your love for life. I stuck by you.
Your drinking increased.
You changed jobs.
Our Dog died.
I had a miscarriage.
Our other Dog died.
We went through a lot together. I would like to think that I stayed tough for us. I tried.
Then we decided to move. We needed a fresh start. We built a beautiful home together (farther away from my parents than I really care to be) but you wanted this house. This house that I now live in all alone.
You had a incident at work which resulted in $3,000.00 in at home detox. I removed all alcohol from the house. I told our "true friends" the situation. They understood.
You were sober for awhile.
Then you decided to drink again.
Shortly after our move your sister needed help. She moved in with us. That was the beginning of the end as far as I am concerned.
You had another drinking related issue with work. This time you lost your job.
You lost your job! And I was freaking the fuck out!
Your sister wasn't working either!
Now I had two unemployed "Didn't Do Shit Around The House People" under one roof.
I would come home after a workday to the two of you sitting on the couch drinking and asking "What's for dinner?"
That really pissed me off! That's why I resorted to the gym rather than coming home to y'all. I hated coming home! But eventually I had to. And it sucked!
You drove my Escalade (that was paid for) into a lake forcing me to get a new car...My Tahoe (a car payment we didn't need) which you wrecked shortly thereafter in Georgia.
After that you took a hiatus to New Orleans and Texas to "Find Yourself." You ended up at your best friends house. Your Best Friend...Who eventually kicked you out. Your Best Friend who I flew out to Texas to see (in August) to tell "in person" that I was filing for divorce. Your Best Friend didn't try to talk me out of it.
Where you "Found Yourself" was in the hospital with a blood alcohol content that should have put you in a coma!
Then onto Rehab...
Georgia this time. You were sober for a very long time. 181 days I believe.
I visited you and thought you were going to be okay.
I was ready for this "New Life" you promised me. That's why I still stuck it out.
I never saw that "New Life."
You started drinking again.
I've read and learned a lot about your disease B. I attended more Al-Anon meetings than you know searching for hope.
I'm so sorry that this disease has ruined your life.
But I couldn't let it ruin mine.