Saturday, January 3, 2009

Dear Assholes Nextdoor,

Why can't you be more like The Old Guy and his Not So Old Wife?

I'm not asking you to be JUST like them...that would make you perfect neighbors. However, you should aspire to be MORE like them in 2009.

I noticed that you planted some new shrubs yesterday.

Which I think are ugly by the way.

Anyhow, in doing so I guess you discovered poop in your bushes. Was it really necessary to shovel all of that poop and put it in a pile by my doorstep? If your goal was to have me step in it...I didn't! And what makes you so sure that poop belongs to me?

You only live here part-time(being that this is your third home). How do you know whose poop that is?

I can assure you that my dog or myself did NOT shit in your bushes!

The Old Guys Not So Old Wife's idea is for me to shovel it into a box, stick a flower in it and put it back on your doorstep. I like that idea...But I don't think you deserve the flower.

Instead I'm just going to let it go.

Y'all SUCK! Go back to wherever it is you come from a few times a year.

Life, Love & Lola

P.S. Why are your teeth all rotten looking? I thought you were a dentist.


whereismymind said...

LMAO! I love your wit! And while I'll agree that they don't deserve the flower, I think it's a brilliant idea! What ASSHOLES!

P.S. Dr. G is a dentist and she would NEVER allow her teeth to look anything but perfect. Yuck.

Stereos and Souffles said...

You are shitting me! Ha! They left it by your front door, that is so rude.

Always Organizing said...

What an unbelievable asshole-y thing to do. Seriously, could they not be adults and come knock on your door and mention the poop was an issue? Grow the f up. I hate stupid neighbors.

Anonymous said...

BASTARDS! I don't I have heard anything so rude. Seriously. I would have skipped the box and dumped the shit right on their front porch. You slay me, LLL!

morewineplease said...

shovel that shit at him next time you see him!

Ace C said...

Way to stick it to them. Cracking me up.

Life, Love And Lola said...

It is a brilliant idea!

S & S:
Actually they left it by my lanai door. If it had been left at my front door I surely would have stepped in it. Then I would have marched over there and wiped my feet on their mat!

Immature! I totally agree!

Dana & MWP:
You nailed it! BASTARDS! JACK ASS! Especially since the asshole wife knows my current situation! You would think they would show some sympathy!

I love that I can crack you up! Not all men find me funny.

Life On The Tail Of A Comet said...

The thing about assume is it usually makes an ass (out of)U (not necessarily) me.
You did make 1 big error- you told your loose cannon mother about this.
In less than 20 seconds- I came up with 25 very subtle ways to counter them.

PaperCourt said...

I have a confession...I did this once. But in my defense, I am positive who owned the shit. And I watched this pooch poop it my yard daily and I needed revenge.

Live.Love.Eat said...

Wow, you're a better person than I am to let it go. You should make brownies like your mom said and it'll make them wonder if it's really made with brownies.