Another Hawaii Funny...

So I woke up one morning and this ^^^^^ little peanut was all cozied up in her bed so I decided to go for a walk and get some coffee...

As I was leaving our room I noticed a bowl of some sort of "Mystery Liquid" sitting on her bedside table. I thought to myself...She must have ordered some soup after I fell asleep...She kept talking about this soup called Saimin that is popular in Hawaii...Don't know...Didn't try it...But I thought it was safe to assume that's what it was.

A nice walk through the park and a half hour later I return to our room...

The Peanut is up and is sitting at the table eating Cheetos for breakfast (Didn't realize Chester was going on vaca with us)!

Anyhow I sit down and join her...Cuz y'all know I can't resist!

Then all of a sudden she starts hysterically laughing...Looks at me, points to the bowl on bedside table and says...

"Like my wine glass? I woke up in the middle of the night and wanted a glass of wine...But I couldn't find a cup."

Me: "Seriously??? I thought that was that crazy ass soup!"

Her: "Nope...Chardonnay!"

The Second My Flip-Flop Hit The Island Of Oahu...

I Became a different Woman.

A chameleon...If you will.

That's how magical this place was...and the effect this trip had on me SHOCKED.THE.SHIT.OUT.OF.ME!

So, how am I different?

*I.HATE.BIRDS...They Freak Me The Fuck Out...And just look at me up there. With birds!!! ON.ME!!

*I got a tattoo. I've always contemplated getting one...Just never really had a reason. I always said "If I ever get one I want it to have meaning."

Well...This trip "Had Meaning." I let a lot go while in Hawaii...As y'all know I've been through A LOT...I'm proud to say I left ALL of that there.

All of The Bullshit...The Drama...The Tears... That The Ex caused me are now washed away in The Pacific...FAR.FAR.AWAY.FROM.ME!

So...back to The Tattoo...That's my reason! It's simple and sweet and was done by the guy from "Inked" on A&E. Hibiscus Flower with small outline of Oahu...To remind me everyday for the rest of my life that I left my past there!

*As you also know...I'm terrified of heights! Well...I hiked Mt. Kilaueu (an active volcano) all the way to 5,500 ft! HOLY.SHIT! I was SO scared to look down. Talk about anxiety attack...No Xanax on board...But I did it! And it was so worth it!

*I went out without a bra...Now I've done the "No Panties" thing quite a bit in the past (makes me feel sassy). But no bra...Notsomuch.

So if I seem different...

It's because I am!

Whoever Said Funny and Cute Couldn't Get You Far...

(Sorry about this shot...Some tourist cut Duke's head off!)

Wasn't Funny and Cute enough...

Hawaii Story #1:

MY JAYWALKING EXPERIENCE

Scene takes place on Waikiki Beach in front of "Duke Statue" (The Legendary surfer aka "The God of Surf").

I place a call to Molly cuz I'm in front of the live web cam...No answer. Head back to The Red Lion Bar where I left my Mom...and my Mai Tai. Just as I'm sitting down to take a sip Molly calls back.

So back across the street I head. Red light. Look both ways (why I'm not sure as it was a one way street). Cars are stopped. I cross.

Within seconds of me crossing I see a cop LOOKING.STRAIGHT.AT.ME.

Cop: "Excuse me miss."

Me: Looking around to see who he's talking to...Cuz it couldn't be ME!

Cop: "You...Over here now!"

Me: Thinking Holy Fuckin Shit..." Did I do something wrong?"

Cop: " You just jaywalked and that's against the law."

Me: " I'm so sorry...I didn't know."

Cop: " Seriously...You didn't know? What were you doing? Where are you from? When did you get here?"

Me: "I'm from Florida...My friends are gonna watch me on the live web cam in front of Duke...Got here yesterday."

Cop: "Girlfriend...You smell like you've been drinking."

Me: "I have been... My drink is waiting for me at The Red Lion...My Mom and I are sitting down there (pointing in that direction)."

Cop: "Are you driving?"

Me: " No Sir...Just Jaywalking"

He laughed and gave me a warning ticket.

If Someone Told Me...

That all I needed to let go of all of the distress and drama I've experienced over the past two years was to hop on a flight to Hawaii...

I would have done it...

Lets see...

TWO.FUCKING.YEARS.AGO!

Sweet Jesus! I'm a new woman. Changed. Different. Better.

And I'm lovin it!

I found myself...

I found 30 cents too...Which is way more than I've ever found in one day with that stupid ass metal detector that I own...But that's beside the point...

I have stories to tell...And will bore you with them daily...

Most importantly...

I'm back...

Here I Am...

So...
I decided to come home.

WOW! I LOVE OAHU!

What a beautiful place! I'll post more about my trip this weekend...

Just wanted to check in and say "Aloha."

Also...If any of you got some crazy ass email from my address while I was gone...

I.DID.NOT.SEND.THAT!

Not sure if someone hacked into my email account or what...WTF???

I can assure you that I was too busy sippin Mai Tai's, lounging in the sun and stimulating the economy to shoot bogus emails to any of you!!

I can't wait to catch up on all of your blogs over the long weekend...

Things that make you go Hmmmmm.....

One slow day at work L, L&L wrote me a poem. Now this is not an odd occurrences she has written me many, but this one really left me wandering. Here is how it went down.
L, L&L was working the bar and I was working the floor. I knew she was up to something cause every time I walked by she would act real guilty. Then she hands me a piece a paper that reads.


If when you drop a piece of toast it always lands butter side down and a cat always lands on their feet. Then what would happen if you tied a piece toast butter side up on the back of a cat and dropped them??


We still don’t know the answer to this one.

DRUNK DIALING

Back in the day L,L&L had a bad habit of drunk dialing!
Let me set the stage for you.
We are in college in our early 20’s working in a restaurant and living together.
After work we would take our cash tips and do what any smart college kid would do.
BUY BEER!
At one point L,L&L was going thru a break up and I did what any good friend would do. I FED HER BEER!
She would start the night strong. I’m not going to call him, she would say. But as the night went on and the beers went down the strength would fade.
When she awoke in the morning she would lay in bed recalling the night’s events. SHIT she would holler out. I called him didn’t I? YEP I replied. DAM DAM DAM why did you let me call him. I tried to stop you I said.
Well next time try harder!
After this happened more than a few times I got smart. One night after many beers I decided to hide the phone from her.
The next morning I didn’t hear that oh so familiar SHIT! Instead it was “why is my phone in the cabinet?"

There has been a sighting!

NO not big foot, of L, L&L!


I got a call last night from her. Well I missed the first call, but called back immediately. She said “oh there you are I’ll walk back to the web cam so you can see me. Then I hear a man say Ma’am I need to talk to you. L, L&L hold on Molly. No Ma’am over here. I’ll call you back Molly. I pulled up the web cam to see if I could see what was going on. No luck. Next I called S&S to have her watch the web cam as well. A few minutes later L,L&L calls back to tell me she just got a ticket for JAY WALKING!
WHAT A CROCK OF SHIT!!
After a few minutes of watching the web cam and answering L, L&L. NO I STILL CAN”T SEE YOU! I remembered from my sister’s trip that there is a delay.
Then a cute little yellow dress showed up. I said are you wearing yellow YES THATS ME! HI! We both squealed and waved. Not sure way I was waving she can’t see me.
After that she tells me “I got to go because my drink is getting warm”.
Thank you rubbing it in.

Welcome to Molly's Memories

Well L,L & L has left and gave me the keys!!

!!PARTY!!

What the hell was she thinking? I have never blogged, can't spell and she gave me the keys to this joint. Sweet.


I only have three goals for these 11 fun filled days.

1. Don't lose any followers!

2. Keep the misspelling to a minimum!

3. Have some fun!


With some help from S&S I have reset the countdown for L,L&L return. That way we know when we need to start cleaning up.


For my first blog I'm going to keep it short and tell you a memory I have of L,L&L from many a moon ago.

We were in high school driving down to Key West for a senior trip. The drive was about a seven hours with five girls in a Suzuki jeep.

Now I don't know if you remember the Suzuki jeeps, but they were not much bigger than the smart cars that L,L&L is such a fan of.

L,L&L was in the middle of the back with me and another friend of ours on each side. The first few hours were fine we were singing and laughing you can feel the love. Around hour 5 we were getting restless! At one point I looked at L,L&L and she had both legs over me with her head on our other friend. She was just kicked back relaxing, while the two of us on either side could not move. I said to her L,L&L for PETE SAKE! She sat there for a minute with a puzzled look on her face then said


WHO IS PETE?

Aloha Sistas...and Ace...

I just poured a glass of wine and am officially on " Island Time!"

WHOOOOOHOOOOO!

Heading to Tampa shortly and leaving on a jet plane at the CRACK.OF.FUCKIN.DAWN. in the morning!

Wipe those tears...I'll be back on the 20th...With lots of stories...and loads of pictures that I take with my rockin new camera!

Remember Molly is in charge of this joint while I'm away...This should be interesting!

Miss You Already!!!

XOXO,
L,L&L

If you're looking to get swallowed by a giant vagina...

then have we got a couch for you. S&S here, a bestie of ours found this posted on Craigs List. She assures us she wasn't googling vaginas, but googling couch, the name of a store.





Pink Upholstered Vagina Couch
For Sale - beautiful pink "vagina couch" that I made in art school and no longer have space for. The couch is large: measures 5' 3" long, 3' 3" wide at the middle, and stands 2' 3" tall (and is heavy like a couch). The pics are from my portfolio and are several years old; as a result, the couch has some scuffmarks and stains around the bottom from being moved, but otherwise is in excellent shape. A professional upholsterer helped me build the couch, so it is also functional and durable as a piece of furniture. The couch must be picked up in Mendocino, a 3-hour drive north of SF. I am asking for $600 and a loving home! Call Willow at [deleted] or reply to posting.



I think the part about the scuff marks and stains really sells it. Is that HAIR GEL? There's nothing more appealing than a used, worn out kaslopis. And be careful what you wish for, a loving home... some dude is gonna make this couch his bitch.


Condoms not included.

Cinco de Mayo and LL&L's birthday!

LL&L, Stereos & Souffles and Molly

Half Way To Seventy...

Is what I will be tomorrow...

So a friend told me...NICE!

More like halfway to being one of "The Crazy Old People" I deal with on a daily basis...

I don't want to get old. I don't want to forget my teeth. I don't want to be "Off My Walker!!!"

We are only as old as we feel...Right??

I Have Been Blessed...

With the most wonderful girlfriends, family, dog and relationships in "This World!"

Wasn't really looking forward to 35!!! It's creeping up on me in a couple of days...

We (The Girls) celebrated today. Poolside...OH POOL BOY...

FUN!!!

My darlins chipped in and bought me a rockin new camera for my trip...Since the STB EX took mine.

How thoughtful!

How special!

So glad they're mine!

Do I Seriously...

Leave for Hawaii in 6 days???

I'm gonna miss you gals... And Ace...

Kind of!

So I'm busy this week...Not much time to blog...MIA...But in a good way!

Molly is taking over this place while I am gone...

She's calling it "Molly's Memories"

And will tell y'all..."All About Me"

OH SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope you still like me when I return...

As I've Told You In The Past...

A gambler I am not...

But...I bet on The Kentucky Derby every year.

My horse was just scratched from the race...Sloppy track...Rain...I'm pissed!

Anyhow...I always pick a long shot too.

So Come on Mr. Hot Stuff!!! 30-1 odds! Keep your fingers crossed!

I need you Mr. Hot Stuff...

GIVEAWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fabulous Shannon over at More Wine Please is hosting a giveaway! Yay! The prize is this fabulous Market Wine Tote. OMG! Dontcha just LOVE it??? Stop by her fabulous blog and tell her I sent you!

So...

I requested Evan Longoria's friendship on Facebook and my friends made fun of me.

He hasn't confirmed my friendship yet...

Probably cuz he's too busy playing baseball and being smokin HOT!

But I'm sure he will...Right?

So what if I'm like nine years older than him...