WOOHOOOO!
My taxes are done! Two days early!
Seems like as good a time as any to pop open a bottle of bubbly!
Mimosas anyone??
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Time to be honest with yall..
My husband left.
He's a alcoholic.
He's lost.
And I miss him desperately.
So does Lola.
Come home we miss you!!
*Edited to add: I felt bad just addressing one characteristic about my husband. You should know more.
He's and always will be the love of my life.
He's a genius (so much smarter than myself).
Alcoholism runs in his family (it's not his fault).
He's an excellent tennis player (and beats me all the time).
He loves our dog (almost as much as I do).
He's a alcoholic.
He's lost.
And I miss him desperately.
So does Lola.
Come home we miss you!!
*Edited to add: I felt bad just addressing one characteristic about my husband. You should know more.
He's and always will be the love of my life.
He's a genius (so much smarter than myself).
Alcoholism runs in his family (it's not his fault).
He's an excellent tennis player (and beats me all the time).
He loves our dog (almost as much as I do).
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Loving you ain't easy to do..
Dear BIL (a.k.a Father Superior),
Putting up with you ain't easy to do.
There is actually a song. I would like to call it "Our Song" from here on.
My favorite verse:
"If I was in your position I would put down all of my ammunition. But the Lord knows I'm not you and if I was it wouldn't be so cool. Because loving you ain't easy to do."
Love your kids, you NOT SO MUCH.
Putting up with you ain't easy to do.
There is actually a song. I would like to call it "Our Song" from here on.
My favorite verse:
"If I was in your position I would put down all of my ammunition. But the Lord knows I'm not you and if I was it wouldn't be so cool. Because loving you ain't easy to do."
Love your kids, you NOT SO MUCH.
They can't hear the blinker
Grandma picked me up this afternoon to head to my parents for dinner. Reason being was that I had a glass (or two) of wine and I just WON'T drink and drive.
Anyhow, shortly after leaving my neighborhood I thought maybe I was in better condition to drive (and she doesn't drink). She just always seems drunk. But she's really just fun!
Left hand turn (uses the blinker). Successfully moves over. 1/4 mile later (blinker still going).
Me: Grandma Your blinker is still on.
Grandma: Oh.
Next turn....1/4 mile later again (blinker still going).
Me: Grandma your blinker is still on. Nothing annoys me more than driving behind someone with their blinker on and they NEVER turn!
Finally I get a decent response.
Grandma: That's the thing about these hearing aids. You can't hear soft noises such as blinkers. So I don't realize until someone flips me off.
At that very moment some jackass behind us lays on his horn (because the blinker is still going).
Me: Let him pass you Grandma and turn off your blinker this guy is getting the finger.
Grandma: Oh Dear, Don't we'll get arrested.
Me: And I thought you were fun.
Lets stop at The Hoosier Bar.
And please turn off your blinker.
Okay, we don't have to stop at The Hoosier Bar today. We'll go there for Mother's Day and you can wear one of those tattoos my dad got you. Maybe the one with the heart that says "Medicare Is For The Birds" or whatever they say... something about arthritis or some other funny shit. Those biker dudes will get a kick out of you. That will be good fun....and they have a really good hamburger!
Now, turn off your blinker. Please.
Anyhow, shortly after leaving my neighborhood I thought maybe I was in better condition to drive (and she doesn't drink). She just always seems drunk. But she's really just fun!
Left hand turn (uses the blinker). Successfully moves over. 1/4 mile later (blinker still going).
Me: Grandma Your blinker is still on.
Grandma: Oh.
Next turn....1/4 mile later again (blinker still going).
Me: Grandma your blinker is still on. Nothing annoys me more than driving behind someone with their blinker on and they NEVER turn!
Finally I get a decent response.
Grandma: That's the thing about these hearing aids. You can't hear soft noises such as blinkers. So I don't realize until someone flips me off.
At that very moment some jackass behind us lays on his horn (because the blinker is still going).
Me: Let him pass you Grandma and turn off your blinker this guy is getting the finger.
Grandma: Oh Dear, Don't we'll get arrested.
Me: And I thought you were fun.
Lets stop at The Hoosier Bar.
And please turn off your blinker.
Okay, we don't have to stop at The Hoosier Bar today. We'll go there for Mother's Day and you can wear one of those tattoos my dad got you. Maybe the one with the heart that says "Medicare Is For The Birds" or whatever they say... something about arthritis or some other funny shit. Those biker dudes will get a kick out of you. That will be good fun....and they have a really good hamburger!
Now, turn off your blinker. Please.
Glad it wasn't my favorite shade...
Husband left town and wrote "I LOVE YOU" really big in lipstick on my vanity mirror.
Sweet and all...I know.
However, I do think we have to have a talk about the cost of lipstick verses chapstick. Not sure he gets it.
Sweet and all...I know.
However, I do think we have to have a talk about the cost of lipstick verses chapstick. Not sure he gets it.
Dear Bitchy Property Manager of My Fancy Gated Community (part two),
I know my lawn still looks like shit. Apparently even the drunken idiot up at the club is talking (so my neighbors say). I'll have you know that on my run this morning I noticed that many lawns in the neighborhood look like shit. Are you as far up their asses as you are mine? I think from now on we should have the lawn police direct further complaints to Mother Nature considering we are in the middle of a drought and are on water restrictions. Just a suggestion...
That's all for now....Off to do my rain dance.
That's all for now....Off to do my rain dance.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
How do you greet your dog????
I saw this tee in a catalog I recently received.
For some reason it came across my mind as I returned home from work today.
I enter the house and there is Lola waiting for me at the garage door. Wagging her tail and looking at me like I hung the moon (or invented Milk Bones).
And so our conversation goes...
Me: Hi sweet angel. You're waggy wag. My precious pup! Did you miss me? Did you miss me?
Lola: Wagging...Wagging...Wagging
Me: We're you the best dog. Of course you were, you're the only dog. Is it time for a cookie? Let's get a cookie. Can you bow for the cookie? Good girl. You have to potty? Let's potty. Good girl!
Lola: Still wagging
Me: Are you an angel? You are an angel! You're the best one. Can I have kisses? Give me some kisses. Hugs? Do you have hugs for me? You're the best one!
Lola: Wagging..kissing..wagging.
Bottom line, If I greeted everyone as I do my dog I would either be arrested or put in a straight jacket!
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
I'm NOT laughing....
Dear Mother Nature (or possibly The Bitchy Property Manager of My Fancy Gated Community),
If you put the 4 Foot Black Snake on my pool lanai while my husband is out of town....That JUST WAS NOT COOL!
Lola didn't think so and Nor did my neighbor ( whose husband wasn't home either).
If you put the 4 Foot Black Snake on my pool lanai while my husband is out of town....That JUST WAS NOT COOL!
Lola didn't think so and Nor did my neighbor ( whose husband wasn't home either).
Santa vacations in Florida
My girlfriend and I went to an art festival over the weekend with her two boys. As we were walking her youngest, a first grader spotted Santa. He desperately wanted to go say hello. We explained that Santa was on vacation and that we shouldn't bother him. Obviously we didn't want to offend this overweight man with long white hair and a beard that was simply trying to enjoy the art.
An hour later...
We spot Santa again. Knowing her little one will not be able to resist my friend approaches Mrs. Claus and asks if it is okay for her son to say " Hi to Santa?" We get the okay. Little guy approaches this man "Santa...Santa" The kind man turns around says "hello" and reaches in his pocket and hands him a candy cane that he has brought with him to Florida all the way from The North Pole. Wow! That Santa is one smart cookie!
I turn to my friend, smile, and say "He'll believe for another year."
An hour later...
We spot Santa again. Knowing her little one will not be able to resist my friend approaches Mrs. Claus and asks if it is okay for her son to say " Hi to Santa?" We get the okay. Little guy approaches this man "Santa...Santa" The kind man turns around says "hello" and reaches in his pocket and hands him a candy cane that he has brought with him to Florida all the way from The North Pole. Wow! That Santa is one smart cookie!
I turn to my friend, smile, and say "He'll believe for another year."
Saturday, April 5, 2008
To hang or not to hang...
Today has been spent spring cleaning and rearranging. For sometime now I have had a vision of doing a black and white picture collage in my hallway. Today I began that project.
I bought four different sized black frames to get this project started. I filled three and had to stop...
Frame #1 - a beautiful black and white portrait of my mother when she was in her twenties.
Frame #2 - my father-in-law's black and white college portrait.
Frame #3 - a black and white picture of my German Shepherd that passed away 4 yrs. ago.
As I stood back to admire my work and decide which picture to hang next I realized....All of these people are deceased and I only have one frame left (for now). Do I hang a picture of a living being among all of these that have gone before us? Or do I wait until I have more frames? What if I hang a picture and something happens to that person?
I cannot take responsibility for that.
I'll just wait.
Unless, any of my readers have a black and white photo of someone who has recently pissed you off. Send it my way and we'll see what happens. I'll need that in a 5X7.
I bought four different sized black frames to get this project started. I filled three and had to stop...
Frame #1 - a beautiful black and white portrait of my mother when she was in her twenties.
Frame #2 - my father-in-law's black and white college portrait.
Frame #3 - a black and white picture of my German Shepherd that passed away 4 yrs. ago.
As I stood back to admire my work and decide which picture to hang next I realized....All of these people are deceased and I only have one frame left (for now). Do I hang a picture of a living being among all of these that have gone before us? Or do I wait until I have more frames? What if I hang a picture and something happens to that person?
I cannot take responsibility for that.
I'll just wait.
Unless, any of my readers have a black and white photo of someone who has recently pissed you off. Send it my way and we'll see what happens. I'll need that in a 5X7.
Let's Get This PAWTY Started
Lola is 4 years old today! That's 28 in dog years! It occurred to me that next year her and I will be the same age. She got her own special birthday cake cookie and a fancy new rhinestone personality collar (the green one and it's much larger).
Lola,
Today there will be no limit on cookies, we will run as far as you want to, and naps will be taken. Happy Birthday precious pup!
Much love, your mom
Thursday, April 3, 2008
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