Holy Hell...

This place looks abandoned!

Just look at the cobwebs and dust everywhere!!!

Am I even in the right place?

SHO AM.

What in the hell happened to Life Love and Lola's Place?

Boy do I have some work to do...

Lets start with a little Ketchup...

* I only have 2 trees up and decorated and plan on getting my real tree this Sunday. And that's it...Only 3 this year. Lola's Tree, Sparkly Butterfly Tree (that was inspired by butterfly man...remember him?) and The Real Deal that will display my Radko collection.

However...My Florida Tree(which is my pride and joy) is on display front and center on downtown Main Street in Stereos and Souffles audio business's window. How fuckin cool is that??? Bet y'all are happy you knew me before my tree became famous!

* The Divorce Saga continues...Like I said before y'all will be the first to know when it's final.

* I didn't lift a finger on Thanksgiving this year...Except when I was taking a sip of my wine...This was the first time in 8 years that I didn't host at my house for a large group. Was I sad?? That would be a BIG HELL NO...If I have it my way I'm going to be a guest from now on.

* I got locked inside of my apartment a week ago...yep, you heard me INSIDE OF...not OUTSIDE OF...My friends boyfriend had to come and bust me out...and this incident is just typical of my life...and something that would only happen to me!

So there you have it...

I'll be back...

But first I have to take care of these dust bunnies...

Congratulations Are In Order!!!

Our friend Facebook has informed me that my soon to be ex recently proposed to his virtual girlfriend with a virtual engagement ring online.

Awwww! How romantic! Although I do think it's kinda jumping the gun considering we aren't officially divorced yet...Who knows maybe a virtual baby is on the way???

Mind you getting him to cooperate during the tail end of this divorce has been like trying to yank teeth from an alligator! He has been dragging his feet about signing papers and dodging phone calls religiously.

Guess cuz he's too busy beefing up his mafia and planning a wedding on facebook!

Don't get me wrong if he has found happiness in the virtual world...

I'm thrilled!

Mainly because it keeps him out of my real life!

But come on already...

He needs to tell his mafia he's taking the day off, send his virtual fiancee dress shopping and sign the Marital Settlement Agreement that should arrive in the mail today...

So that I can live happily ever after in my real life...

I lied...

I said I would catch up over the weekend and I didn't.

You see...

I have a friend that has a broken leg whom I've been helping out when she needs me...

Another friend who just had a big move...

Two other friends who are having babies that I need to buy shower gifts for...

A friend's sister who's wedding I'm attending this weekend...

One baby shower that I'm missing because of said wedding...

The Jewel concert I'm going to tomorrow night with my mom and my sister...

Two of my best friends combined birthday party to attend next weekend...

A baby shower the day after that...

And playing tennis with a friend tonight...

So there's why I'm MIA...

And not already decorated for Christmas!!!

And as much as it's killing me to not have at least one tree up yet...

BOO!!!

I decided to wear horns to work...And suprisingly not one old person has bothered me all day...I may start wearing them daily.

On another note...I know I have completely neglected Lola's Place lately. I really don't have any good excuse...I suppose I could make one up...Instead I'll just tell you the truth...I'm in L-O-V-E and I've been really busy...I'm going to make an effort to get back on track this weekend...

Excuse me while I take a bow...

A BIG MUAH to Always Organizing for recognizing me as one of her favorite bloggers and giving me this award. An even BIGGER MUAH that she took time away from being a Newlywed and her new hubby to show me a little love.

Also, a BIG MUAH to The Mrs for also awarding me The Over The Top Award!

Thank you ladies!!! Y'all Rock!

I have to answer these questions with only one word...

1. Where is your cell phone? Desk
2. Your hair? Brunette
3. Your mother? Heaven (And her birthday is today)
4. Your father? Wonderful
5. Your favorite food? Seafood
6. Your dream last night? Dunno
7. Your favorite drink? Wine
8. Your dream/goal? Hawaii (Dream) Quit (Smoking that is...and that's my goal)
9. What room are you in? Office
10. Your hobby? Tennis
11. Your fear? Flying
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? As happy as I am right now (I know 7 words)
13. Where were you last night? Snuggling
14. Something that you aren’t? Mean
15. Muffins? Nope
16. Wish list item? Maiden (Name back)
17. Where did you grow up? Sarasota
18. Last thing you did? Answered # 17
19. What are you wearing? clothes
20. Your TV? Rocks
21. Your pets? Bark
22. Friends? Loyal
23. Your life? Happy
24. Your mood? Good
25. Missing someone? Dad (He went to Connecticut to visit my Nana)
26. Vehicle? Expedition
27. Something you’re not wearing? Wig
28. Your favorite store? TJ's
29. Your favorite color? Green
30. When was the last time you laughed? Mornin
31. Last time you cried? Mornin
32. Your best friend? Rocks
33. One place that I go to over and over? Keys
34. One person who emails me regularly? Neiman's (and I can't afford their shit)
35. Favorite place to eat? Roy's

AWWWW...

Little Ms Blogger enticed me to float on down from Cloud 9 and over to her place because she had a gift for me. Who doesn't love a surprise gift? Thank you Little Ms Blogger ! Just when I didn't think I could be any happier you made my day!


Now I'm suppose to share 10 things about myself with y'all... These lists are always a little tough for me as you know I don't hold back when it comes to sharing my life... Seriously I don't know what more I can tell.

Well shit...Here goes...

1. I had a horrible headache yesterday and paid my girlfriends 10 year old $2.00 to count in her head rather than out loud...Cuz I just couldn't take it! It was the best 2 bucks I ever spent...

2. My new man and I know each other from high school. He was a couple years ahead of me. Crazy how we both have been living in our hometown (or close by) and haven't bumped into each other in 20 yrs... then I run into him the day after I move into my apartment and we've been dating ever since.

3. Since I've re met said new man I have gone off my Lexapro and I'm fine...Seriously...I'm genuinely happy! No meds on board whatsoever!!!

4. I'm secretly freakin the fuck out about cooking dinner for him because I stupidly allowed Stereos and Souffles to have us over for dinner and she belongs on The Food Network! My cooking just doesn't compare! Think I may have to pull a Mrs. Doubtfire when the time comes.

5. I've been really forgetful lately. I'm not sure if it's because I'm all giddy or if I'm developing Alzheimer's. If it is Alzheimer's could y'all please make sure I end up in the same home as The Old Guy.

6. My divorce still isn't final...But is in the final stages of being final...And as soon as it is final y'all will be the first to know...And I expect a party... With this cake...

But I want it in chocolate. K?

7. I was disqualified from Molly's pumpkin carving contest last year cuz I brought my pumpkin already decorated. The party is two weeks away and I'm halfway considering bringing my pumpkin decorated again...Cuz I like to break the rules!

8. I think that cake is fuckin HILARIOUS!!! Don't you?

9. I haven't bought a new pair of shoes in like 5 months...This must have something to do with the Alzheimer's...

10. I just realized I can't have the cake in chocolate...Cuz then the blood wouldn't stand out and that is really what makes it...So vanilla will have to do...

Y'all Asked For Details...

I'm gonna give you adjectives...

FUN, FRIENDLY, HARD WORKING, SWEET, SMOKIN HOT, ATHLETIC, HONEST AND SINCERE.

In addition to all of those wonderful qualities...

He is very close with his family, has totally hit it off with my friends and family, loves sports, has bonded with Lola...and she thinks he invented milk bones...seriously never have seen her warm up to a man this quickly, is a really good daddy and thinks I'm pretty special.

So there you have it...That's him in a nutshell.

Don't even think about trying to steal him from me...

Cuz I've been working out with Jillian Michaels...

So...

I was just entering a contest online and while filing in my info...

I arrived at the line that asked my Gender...

My choices... Male, Female or OTHER!?!?!?

Seriously???

If I'm not male or female what the fuck else would I be that is sitting in front of a computer typing?

And as tempted as I was to check the box for "OTHER" I didn't.

I checked female...Cuz I'm not male...And am now sitting here completely baffled by what an "OTHER" would be.

Why Is It...

That now that everything in my life is going so wonderfully I don't have a damn thing to post about???


This place has always been somewhat of an outlet for me...A place where I would come when things were going wrong so that I could vent...And drop "F" BOMBS...And have all of you to make me feel better!


So now I am happier than I have been in years and I've got nothing? WTF?


I don't want to get all sappy pants on you guys...I'm not sure you would like me as much.

I will let you know that I'm in love...

Dear Stereos and Souffles and Rockin Hubby,

You were right...Always are!

She's just what I needed!

Thank you for delivering my 25 lb 32" bundle of joy Toshiba.

I've decided to call her Tosh.

We spent the entire night watching TV and infomercials and I'm STILL up...

Boy have we bonded!

She was a little insecure at first about being flat...but I think she's over it now.

Also...She referred to herself as "High Maintenance" but I have assured her that she's "High Definition" and that it's a good thing!

She has already helped me realize that change is good.

Rather than coming home from dinner to silence...

We had noise.

This kind of shit is good for me! Dontcha think? It's nice to throw my life for a loop every once and awhile...

Keeps me in check!

I mean hell I branched out at dinner by ordering a Key Lime Martini and you did as well with your Mango Fancy Pants whatever that was (pissed you didn't give me a sip) drink.

No worries...

You brought Tosh into my life...

You can catch me on the flip side with your rockin sangria...

Much Love,

Life Love and Lola

P.S. Tosh introduced me to and new kitchen gadget...The New Wave Oven Pro!!! And if we act now we can get it for NOT $129...but $39.99. I think we need it!

I'm Expecting...

No...I don't have a bun in the oven!

A new TV is being delivered to my home tonight courtesy of Stereos and Souffles and her Rockin Hubby! And I can't wait!

Did y'all even know that I have been without television for nearly two months??

Remember he took them.


Truth be told I haven't missed it all that much.


Okay...Okay...I've missed Sportscenter and Chelsea Lately...But otherwise I've been just fine.

So while I was thinking about this special delivery...It occurred to me that it has been awhile since I have had my very own TV. Like since college. I mean I always had a roommate or a husband that I had to share with.

And as much of a sharing person as I am...

I'm taking much pleasure in knowing that from this day forward I can come home from work and put on whatever the hell I want.

I no longer have to worry about the TV being monopolized by anyone.

It's mine all mine!

Unless Lola wants to watch Animal Planet...

I'm sure I'll give in...

I've Never Told Y'all About My Cat...

Probably cuz she's dead...But that's besides the point.

I rescued said cat in college from a parking lot by a dumpster and called her Garnet...

Except I spelled her name Guarnet...Well cuz that's how I thought you spelled Garnet (sounds like something Molly would do) and am still made fun of to this day.

Guarnet became known as "Guarnet The French Kitty" or friends would call my house "Chez Guarnet" to poke fun at me. Using a French accent when they referred to her with an emphasis on the "Guar."

She wasn't a real friendly cat...Actually she was a total bitch...And would slash you just for looking at her the wrong way at any given moment. She hated the dogs and would slash them too... She liked me though...So I kept her around.

You know how they say cats have 9 lives...Well it's true...At least in Guarnet's case it was.

The cat had multiple fights with skin cancer and multiple fights with wildlife as she was an outdoor cat.

The last fight of her career was with a fox...

She survived and had to undergo a very big and costly operation leaving her with multiple stitches and a lampshade around her neck to keep her from licking her incisions.

During this time that she was laid up from her surgery I came home one night to find her floating in the pool...She should have drowned but the lampshade kept her afloat...

Guarnet was a fighter and refused to die...

A couple of years ago she developed a large mass in her belly. My Vet said it wasn't good and that it was time to let Guarnet go...It was a very tough decision but I decided to put her down. I ended her life.

The reason I'm telling y'all this story is because a few days ago I was bringing a box filled with stuff that I was getting rid of to the dumpster...

For some reason I decided to look through it one last time before chucking it in.

Glad I did cuz in the bottom of that box was the little teak box that holds the ashes of my Bitchy and Beloved Guarnet.

I almost threw my fuckin cat away!

The irony is that had I done it her life would have come full circle being that I found her by a dumpster...

I Suck...

I know!

We have had an unusually busy week at work and I haven't had much time to blog or check up on what's going on in all of your little worlds. I'm gonna get on that here pretty soon...Just not today.

Also, I've started a part time job on Saturdays doing photo shoots with a photography company...And NOOOO I'm not laying sprawled out on the hood of a sports car in my bikini...

Things haven't gotten that bad!

I'm helping with sports photography of pee wee athletes...And they are so stinkin cute!

My little sister landed back in Florida yesterday and I think I slept better just knowing she was back and under my parents roof...

Or maybe I slept better knowing that my mom's level of CRAZINESS most likely decreased by half...She won't be completely free of her crazy until my divorce is final. Which by the way should be soon.

Speaking of crazy...

Other than my life being crazy busy...

That someone that's making me smile...I'm crazy about him too.

Multiple Times A Week...

I make trips to the bank to make a deposit for The Clinic.

Typically I walk...Cuz it gives me a break from the old people...and it's another one of my efforts to be more green.

However if it looks like rain...I'm forced to drive.

Today was one of those days.

It never fails that when I'm exiting the drive thru I always nail this BIG ASS sign that reads "Watch For Pedestrians" with my side view mirror.

Personally I think the sign should read "Watch Out For Your Side View Mirror"

Cuz I've never nailed a pedestrian...

I haven't Fallen Off The Face Of The Earth...

I'm actually floating on cloud 9...And it's really difficult to blog from way up here!

I think the altitude has gotten to my head and has resulted in my not coming up with anything funny to say.

So stay tuned...

Something funny is bound to happen soon...

Can't Sleep...

So I'm up...

In the middle of the night...

And Lola is on the couch...Cuz that's how we roll now.

Whatever it takes to keep her from barking at every big dog, little dog, human, squirrel, bunny, car and truck that goes by...

Maybe one more cookie will do the trick.

And I'm gonna pour myself a bowl of wine...

So...

I'm quite certain that I bumped into the ass clown that left that note on my car this morning while walking Lola.

I'm not positive...he just looks like the type that would do it.

I've decided to just let this one go as I'm in a really good place right now and can't be bothered with drama or negativity...We left that back on Montelluna Drive.

That being said I just wanted to check in and let y'all know that Lola and I are adjusting to our new life just fine. We're happy and our new little place is starting to feel cozy.

Other things to be happy about...

FOOTBALL SEASON!!!!!

I'm taking The Old Guy and his Not So Old Wife to dinner tonight...and I CAN'T WAIT to see them!

My little sister is moving back from Hawaii on the 8th.

My mom will be a lot less crazy when my little sister moves back from Hawaii on the 8th.

And thanks to a certain someone I'm smiling a lot.

Ketchup...

*Lola is calming down...Now we're only barking at the little dogs and occasionally at the big ones.


* The Old Guy still works for me even though we are no longer neighbors. He was over this weekend hanging window treatments and pictures...I know y'all are relieved...I sure as hell am!


* I moved a lot of shit that I.DO.NOT.NEED! I should have listened to Stereos and Souffles Cuz she's always right!


* I'm having fun making memories at the new place...And have already made some really good ones!

* The Rays lost yesterday even though I WASN'T at the game...So I guess it's not me.

* I woke up this morning to a note on my window that read...Nice Parking Job You Stupid Asshole...Seriously?!?! There was nothing wrong with my parking job. I SWEAR! So apparently I've been blessed with another asshole neighbor in The Hood.

I'm thinking if I can figure out who did this I will take my Mom's advice and make the fucktard some poop brownies.

So...

Lola still thinks she has died and gone to doggy hell.

I on the other hand feel like I've died and gone back to college!

Seriously... I'm living in an apartment again, I haven't had time to grocery shop so the only items in my fridge are 5 Bud Lights and coffee creamer and the night before last I ate Ramen Noodles for dinner.

Then...Last night I went out to dinner, watched The Rays game and shot pool until nearly midnight!

Movers and Shakers...

Well I'm all moved in...

Not unpacked though...That's another story...

I had a tremendous amount of help and am so thankful for my friends, family and all of the love and support I had on such a difficult day...Oh and my xanax.

Lola arrived last night. She has been staying with my parents since last Friday...

And as lonesome as I was for her...I knew all of the chaos would just stress her out.

She's having a hard time adjusting...Harder than me.

First of all we are on the second floor...And she's not a big fan of the stairs. She's not use to all of the activity...You know people...cars...other dogs...And was barking non stop this morning.

So it's quite possible that I could be evicted by the end of the week.

She just doesn't deal well with change...She must get that from me.

This One's Not Gonna Be Easy...

Dear Old Guy and Your Not So Old Wife,

Two days from today I will be saying so long to our fancy gated community and moving away from the two of you...

Words could never express how much you guys mean to me. I am so thankful to have you in my life...As is Lola.

Thank you for all of your love and support.

Thank you for being my second parents.

Thank you for all of the wonderful home cooked suppers you have invited me to. Your Not So Old Wife is such a FABULOUS cook! And you are quite The Grill Master...I'm gonna miss your BURNED TO SHIT chicken!

Thank you for coaching me in tennis and allowing me to beat you a time or two...And for not shaking your head when I bring a glass of wine to the court and just taking a sip instead.

Thank you for being my plumber, my pool guy, my eBay seller, my lawn maintenance man, my photographer, my tennis coach, my painter, my dog sitter, my air conditioner fixer, my electrician, my red wine drinking partner and most importantly my friend!

Thank you for being MY OLD GUY!

Whatever nursing home gets you is sure gonna hit the jackpot!

The thought of moving away from you guys breaks my heart...However I think it's gonna be good for my liver.

Love you both with all my heart,

Life, Love & Lola

Note To Self...

Dear Self,


I can see that you are frustrated with this downsizing bullshit. I know it sucks! You really should have thought twice about some of the purchases you have made over the years...


I hope this will be a lesson to you when you are making future purchases.


Seriously does Lola really need 6 collars, 3 leashes and 12 bandannas?

Are you planning on catering a BIG ASS wedding sometime in the near future? Cuz it appears you have enough stemware to do so!!

You must be the most moisturized person on the planet based on the 8,000 bottles of partially used body lotions under your bathroom sink.

And you could decorate The White House with the amount of Christmas decor you own.

Seriously...

So self... NO MORE impulse buys...K??

L, L & L

P.S. Regarding shoes...

One For The Jackass Next Door...

Moving Day

Is scheduled for August 15.

Holy Shit that's 11 days from now... And I haven't even started packing my shoes!!!


I'm scared...and excited...and overwhelmed!

I've decided to rent an apartment for a year so that I can regroup...Although, that could very easily take longer than a year...We shall see.

That being said I'm having to downsize and get rid of A.LOT.OF.SHIT!


On August the 15th I will begin a new chapter in my life.


Wait...The hell with a new chapter...I'm beginning a whole new story...Cuz I'm over this one!

With this story will come new beginnings and new adventures...

And I can't wait!

We are keeping with the title Life, Love & Lola for our new story...Cuz I can't deal with too many changes at once.

However we are getting rid of one of our characters...

I'll give you three guesses...

Search Term Fun

Someone landed in Lola's Place today by Googling...



JESUS YOU'RE MY SUPERHERO YOU SWOOPED DOWN AND YOU RESCUED ME SONG.



What the fuck? Seriously...That's a song? Have y'all heard of this song?

Or maybe it's Jesus sending me a sign...

Perhaps He wants me to know that He is going to rescue me from the hell I'm living in...

I'm gonna go with that...Cuz I just don't think that is a song.

The Old Guy

Cracks me up!!!

So I went to The Rays game last night. I'm not sure how many games total that is for me so far this season. Anyhow...They have lost every game that I have attended.

So I get an email from The Old Guy this morning asking me " If The Rays ever win from time to time?"

Now The Old Guy doesn't watch baseball...I think he just checks the score when he knows I am there. That's why he thinks all they do is lose.

I responded to his email telling him "They only win when I'm NOT there."

This email just came to my inbox...

Dear Mrs. So and So (the former and soon to be Miss So and So),

We the management of the Rays would very much appreciate it if in the future you have an interest in attending any of our home games that you do so in disguise. We would be glad to treat you to an $8 beer or two if you can comply.

I know how much the Rays mean to you so I feel you will automatically agree to this.

Thanks to you in advance,

The Rays Management team

Camping...

In my own house!

Seriously!!!

The moving truck arrived yesterday to get the rest of his stuff. Couches, Bedroom Set, TV, Grill, Stereo etc...

All stuff that I agreed that he could have...Cuz I think all those "Things" are a fair trade for Lola. I mean they are just "Things!"

So now I'm down to the bare minimum.

I've never really watched that much TV...I usually put on music when I come home from work...Now I can't do either...And I totally feel like I'm camping all of a sudden.

Y'all know I hate camping!

Oh...Something I forgot to mention...

There is one thing that the moving truck forgot...

HIM!!!!

I think I've died and gone to hell...

POTENTIALLY FREE SHIT

My Dear Friend over at Stereos & Souffles is having a Summertime Giveaway. Pop over to her rockin blog to enter.

She has all sorts of goodies to make your day at the beach complete.

Minus the alcohol...

Or a smokin hot surfer boy to rub lotion on your back...

You'll have to find those on your own...

Packing Under The Influence...

Results in boxes being labeled...

"Big Ass Wine Glasses"

&

"Stuff"

Ketchup...

1. Looks like they are buying the house...So I'm busy packing. EVERY.FUCKIN.NIGHT. And I'm over it...But there isn't a damn thing I can do about it!

2. I've decided not to accept my friends proposal to have his children...I think I already have enough shit on my plate and am in no position to give up my wine or Xanax right now.

3. Speaking of children...I taught Molly's 3 year old to sing "My Milkshake Brings All The Boys To The Yard..." while shaking her hip to the side...I'm pretty proud of this!

4. I'm still not sure what I'm suppose to do with all of my wedding pictures. I know that people with children save that kind of stuff...But what do I do? Don't even say burn them...

Girlfriends...

Make The World Go Round!

Look What I Got...

The "Honest Scrap” award is not one to hold all to yourself... it must be shared!

First, the recipient has to tell 10 true things about themselves in their blog that no one else knows.
Second, the recipient has to pass along this prestigious award to 10 more bloggers.
Third, those 10 bloggers all have to be notified that they have been given this award.
Those 10 bloggers that receive this award should link back to the blog that awarded them “The Honest Scrap" award.



After the day I had yesterday I was thrilled to wake up to this! Fancy Schmancy you made my day! Thank you!


Oh Boy...
10 things you don't know about me???
Shit, I already share everything with y'all being that you're my therapists and all.

Ok...Here goes...

1. Awhile back I was tagged to do a Meme. One of the questions was "When was the last time you threw up?" There is a reason I remembered the exact day...

On September 16, 2007 I got a DUI and spent the night in jail. It was the most horrifying night of my life. I was scared and humiliated! I was embarrassed...I didn't belong in jail! After my husband bailed me out and I was home safely I threw up for hours and swore I would never drink again...And not because I was hungover...Because the whole experience left me feeling dirty and disgusting. I'm sharing this with you because it can happen to anyone...My experience was not only a lesson to me, it was also a lesson to my friends and family. We are all a lot more cautious and either have a DD or catch a cab...Or we just get shitfaced at home.

2. I lost my virginity to Molly's big brother.

3. Even though this divorce has been a nightmare...I totally want to get married again...And I know that I will.

4. One night in college my roomate and I stole a Christmas Tree from Publix and shoved it in my Toyota Corolla. It was so big that she couldn't sit in front seat so we drove home with her on my lap. She was in charge of steering while I manned the breaks...Lucky I didn't end up in jail that night!

5. My Waterford wedding cake knife is for sale on ebay right now.

6. I tell my stepmom everything and I mean EVERYTHING and I'm so happy that I can...And that she doesn't judge...Or share with my dad!

7. I'm a salt-o-holic! BIG TIME!

8. I'm still friends with every guy I've ever dated.

9. I'm both excited and scared about moving out of my house.

10. I think about moving to Hawaii at least 8,000 times a day...But you already knew that didn't you?

I tag Stereos and Souffles and whichever other 9 of you want to do this.

Lucky Old Guy...

Here's a shot from the 4th of July of The Old Guy in all his glory. He has a lot more girlfriends...But we are his three favorite.

He's kinda The Hugh Hefner of our neighborhood...

Except he doesn't wear a robe...

And we're not Blonde Bombshells with Double D's.

Gonna miss The Old Guy when I move...

Friday Fill Ins

1. I grew up thinking... my Dad hung the moon and I still do.

2. Facebook...was the last website I was at before coming here.

3. Why don't you...guys each send me $100 so that I can catch the next flight back to Hawaii?

4. A glass of Red Wine, Sex and a ciggy... helps me relax. (and not necessarily in that order)

5. Thanks for the... laugh this morning Molly! She's trying to trap an obnoxious Raccoon that is coming in her lanai at night...Instead she trapped her cat!!! That's some funny shit!

6. LAUNDRY... is very off-putting.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to...Relaxing at home... tomorrow my plans include...GIRLS GONE WILD...WHOOP WHOOP... and Sunday I will be... At Tropicana field watching The Rays kick some ass while drooling over Evan Longoria's backside!

Cow Appreciation Day...

Is this Friday at Chick-Fil-A! Now I'm not a Cow Restaurant junkie...Probably since I don't have kids.

But I know a couple of people who are...Molly being one of them.

So I got word that if you go to Chick-Fil-A on Friday dressed as a cow you'll get a free meal.

So (insert light bulb here) I texted Molly and dared her to do it.

Her responding text read: "How many nuggets are we talking?? It may be worth it. I could crawl in there on all four with a bell around my neck eating grass. Or I could have Mini Me( her 3 yr old) do it...She would think it is cool...Do you think their floor is clean?"

Then last night she tells me she has come up with a better costume...

Molly: "I've decided I'm gonna wear my maternity bra with flaps open and let my UDDERS hang out. You think I'll get a free meal?"

Me: "I think you're gonna get more than that!"

Molly again: "I told Hubby and he's cool with it..." He said "Just do it at The Cow Restaurant by Life Love and Lola's House."

And that folks is why I have kept her around for 23 years. She's pretty fuckin funny!

Seven Deadly Sins...

Sometimes you can learn more about a person by what they don’t tell you. Sometimes you can learn a lot from the things they just make up. If you are tagged with this Meme, lie to me.

Then tag 7 other folks (one for each deadly sin) and hope they can lie.


1. Pride-What is your biggest contribution to the world?

Well I invented The Beer Bong and I take great pride in knowing that I've contributed to helping people feel good...and helping ugly people get laid!

Envy-What do your coworkers have that you wish was yours?

There is a guy I work with who is a COMPLETE ASS CLOWN! His personality really sucks and most people dislike him...Most days I wish I were more like him

Gluttony-What did you eat last night?

There is this Armadillo that is bothering the shit out of Lola and I. Like Every.Fuckin.Night. So last night I got the axe from the garage, killed the bastard and sauteed him in garlic and olive oil. Then I served him over linguine. Shh...Don't tell The Old Guy. I told him it was chicken.

Lust-What really lights your fire?

Dudes strolling the beach in Banana Hammocks with really hairy backs and giant beer bellies...God that's HOT!

Anger-What is the last thing that really pissed you off?

I won the lottery on Saturday night and I'm pissed cuz I don't know what to spend my money on first!

Greed-Name something you hoard and keep from others

That would have to be my cockroach collection. I made them a nice little village in my husbands closet...They like it in there.


Sloth-What’s the laziest thing you ever did?

I frequently go to work pantyless cuz I don't feel like doing laundry.


Hey I'm a better liar than I thought...

This Comment...

REALLY PISSED ME OFF!!!!

Anonymous said...
If it had that much of an impact on you then maybe you shouldn't have been so hard on him....from reading through your blog I can pretty much tell the story....And in Marriage it is for better or for worse and if you knew anything about alcoholism you would understand that it is like a cancer and that you can't hate someone with cancer...and from reading your day to day I think you need to take a LONG HARD DEEP LOOK at yourself and recognize that you potentially have a problem as well!!! Good luck


Dear Anonymous,



Seriously??? I shouldn't have been so hard on him? Where did you get the impression that I was hard on him? Actually it was the opposite... I probably wasn't hard enough on him and the reason being is because I DO understand that Alcoholism is a disease that he had no control over. That being said I didn't ask anything of him cuz I knew even a simple request such as emptying the dishwasher was more than he could handle.

You use the word HATE...I'm here to tell you that I don't HATE anyone...Him included. I have had people shit on me and let me down throughout the course of my life and maybe I have chosen to disassociate myself from those people...But I don't HATE them.


I agree...Marriage is for BETTER or WORSE. And all you can do is hope that the BETTER outweighs the WORSE! But what happens when it becomes for WORSE or WORSE...And then it gets WORSE???

As far as taking a look at myself... I did about a year ago.

I woke up one morning and weighed 98 lbs and I realized I did have a problem. The problem was that I was in an unhappy marriage and I had stopped taking care of me. I realized at that point that I couldn't fix my husband but I COULD fix myself.

So Anonymous Smarty Pants you really can't tell the story from reading my blog...Cuz as far as I'm concerned you don't know JACK SHIT about me or my life.

And as much as your comment rattled my nerves...

I don't hate you.

LL&L

This Guy...

Knocked my flip-flops off!

And everytime I'm reminded of him it brings a smile to my face!

Online Dating...

My girlfriends think I should try it.

I've gone out on dates without the assistance of my computer...

However no one has really knocked my flip-flops off yet.

The whole thing makes me a little nervous. I mean what if I end up stuffed in someone's trunk? Or worse...dead!

Stories like the one about The Craig's List Murderer certainly don't help either!

I just don't know...

Thoughts???

Stereos and Souffles set up and account on match.com just so we could have access and see who's available in our zip code.

I'm here to tell you NOT MUCH!

Seriously out of 32 pages of men...There are only 3 that I would consider!

And it's NOT that I'm picky...

I just KNOW what I want!

SWEET JESUS...

I have been actively showing the house since returning from Hawaii...

Yesterday I had three showings back to back...While I walked Lola in the 100 degree heat!

We'll it paid off...Cuz my realtor called a little bit ago and we have an offer!

WHOOOOHOOOO!

Now lets keep our fingers crossed that all works out...K?

Also, we need to figure out which one of you I'm moving in with??

Keep in mind I cook, clean and am sure to make you laugh...

If that's not a good enough resume...

I'll bring The Old Guy with me...

Seriously...

No post in almost a week??

Must be Bloggers Block again...I hate Bloggers Block!

Could someone PLEASE tag me with a Meme or something?

Hope all of you had a fabulous weekend and a nice time with the Daddy's in your lives. I spent my day on the boat with mine. Dad, Mom and I met up with Grandma at a restaurant on the water for brunch.

Get this...I talked her in to getting a Mimosa. I mean shit she always seems drunk anyhow...

At least it didn't result in her swinging her cane in the air singing "Rag Time Gal" which she does when completely sober...

Now This Makes Me Smile...

And now Introducing My New Neighbors...

Remember I named him Frasier? Then he started palling around with this other Crane...So of course I started calling him Niles...

We're changing their names to Niles and Daphne.

Ya Know...

There is a lot of truth in the saying "Out of Sight...Out of Mind."

I haven't seen him in 8 months...

Until yesterday!

And I wasn't expecting him...

And I've felt like I'm going to vomit ever since...

Seeing him brought back memories...Both good and bad.

He showed up with a moving truck...and get this...I helped him pack his shit.

I know...I know...Y'all wouldn't have lifted a finger for him...

I just decided it would take less energy to be nice.

He's moving to Atlanta.

And after he left...I sat down and I cried...I guess because I realized THE FINALITY of it all.

But those will be the last tears...

Other than these that I'm shedding as I type...

Mai Tais and Bounce Houses and Beer...OH MY!

This weekend was Molly's 3 year old princesses birthday party...

And since Molly is such a cool mom she rented a bounce house...and since she is such a cool friend she had plenty of adult beverages for all of us!

You see where this is going...Right?

You got it...All the adults got a little tipsy and rocked The Bounce House.

I'm proud to report that as accident prone as I am I did not injure myself!

Molly...NOTSOMUCH.

She ended up in the Doctor's office the next morning with a hangover and a pretty bad ankle sprain! Sorry Molly...You threw a rockin party though!

Meme

I stole this Meme from Always Organizing cuz I got nothing...



What is your salad dressing of choice? Ken's Sweet Vidalia Onion


What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? Roy's and I sat down there almost everyday while in Oahu.


What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it? Sushi!


What are your pizza toppings of choice? Spinach or jalapenos...but not together


What do you like to put on your toast? Don't really eat toast...But if I'm out to breakfast I order whole wheat dry.


How many televisions are in your house? One. Cuz that asshole took my outdoor one.


What color cell phone do you have? Champagne Crackberry


Are you right-handed or left-handed? Right


Have you ever had anything removed from your body? No...But I just added a tattoo.


What is the last heavy item you lifted? I dragged a very full trash can to the curb yesterday morning


Have you ever been knocked unconscious? Only by Anesthesia


If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? Oh God no! Could you imagine the anxiety I would have??


If you could change your name, what would you change it to? My name is unique and I'm named after a friend of my parents...I think I would keep it.


Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? Absolutely...I'd drink it for $100


Last run-in with a cop? Jaywalking in Oahu


Last person you talked to?My coworker


Last person you hugged? The Old Guy I'm sure


Favorite Season? It's a toss up between Baseball and Football


Holiday? Christmas


Day of the week? Saturday


Month? The Summer Months


First place you went this morning? Bathroom


What's the last movie you saw? Marley and Me


Do you smile often? Always!


Do you always answer your phone? Nope...I've been known to chuck a call or two.


It's four in the morning and you get a text message who is it? Most likely the ex...I would prefer it to be a booty call though...Those are worth waking up for!


If you could change your eye color what would it be? Green


What flavor drink do you get at Sonic? I don't do Sonic


Do you own a digital camera? Yep


Have you ever had a pet fish? Yep and I flushed it


Favorite Christmas song? That's tough...I love them all!


What's on your wish list for your birthday? Head back to Hawaii and I'm already saving!


Can you do push ups? Yep


Can you do a chin up? Yep


Does the future make you more nervous or excited? Excited!

Do you have any saved texts? Yep


Ever been in a car wreck? Yep


Do you have an accent? Not really


What is the last song to make you cry? I can't remember the last time I cried...Which is a good thing!


Plans tonight? It's been a busy week...So tonight I CHILLAX!


Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? No and I don't ever plan on feeling that way


Name 3 things you bought yesterday? Gas, Mussels and Lobster dip to bring to The Old Guys House for dinner.


Have you ever been given roses? Yep...But I prefer wildflowers and I love to be given them for no reason.


Current worry? Selling my house


Current hate right now? This Shitty Economy...I hate what it is doing to so many people...Myself included!

How did you bring in the New Year? At The Old Guys House with like 8,000 other people.


What song represents you? Right now I would have to say "The Climb" stop laughing I know it's by Hannah Montana...Lets pretend someone else sings it


What were you doing 12 AM last night? Snoring I'm sure


What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Get your ass out of bed and go running with Lola...And I did.


Met someone who changed your life? I have...many people. Most recently it was the SMOKIN HOT SURFER I met in Hawaii he showed me a really good time and did wonders for my self esteem

Since I can't Be Here...

That's Waikiki Beach where I just spent 10 AMAZING days!

I'll just have to suffer here...

The place that I call home.

I got to thinking...

Y'all smell the smoke don't you? No worries remember I have 2 fire extinguishers now...

I live in such a beautiful place and I don't take advantage of it. Seriously...People come to where I live to vacation throughout the year. It's paradise. We have THE WHITEST SAND in the world, palm trees, blue skies...Hell they even make Mai Tais here...

So as much as I can't stop thinking about my new found love of Oahu...

I've decided to start appreciating where I wake up everyday.

When you can't be on VACATION...Enjoy a DAYCATION (Molly coined the term).

I kicked my daycation off yesterday by meeting Stereos & Souffles at the spa for a pedi...

Then we went here

For lunch and a cocktail. Our daycation continued by going to visit a bestie at her bar where Molly joined us (unexpectedly...Great Minds...).

So each weekend from here on I'll be on daycation. Enjoying life and all the beauty that surrounds me. And as much as I miss Oahu...


I heart where I live!

Scarred for life...

Introducing my Hawaiian tramp stamp.

A Humpday Funny...

I was just commenting on a blog with word verification...

Please type the letters as they appear below...

PRICKS

Yep...PRICKS

And it made me laugh...

Another Hawaii Funny...

So I woke up one morning and this ^^^^^ little peanut was all cozied up in her bed so I decided to go for a walk and get some coffee...

As I was leaving our room I noticed a bowl of some sort of "Mystery Liquid" sitting on her bedside table. I thought to myself...She must have ordered some soup after I fell asleep...She kept talking about this soup called Saimin that is popular in Hawaii...Don't know...Didn't try it...But I thought it was safe to assume that's what it was.

A nice walk through the park and a half hour later I return to our room...

The Peanut is up and is sitting at the table eating Cheetos for breakfast (Didn't realize Chester was going on vaca with us)!

Anyhow I sit down and join her...Cuz y'all know I can't resist!

Then all of a sudden she starts hysterically laughing...Looks at me, points to the bowl on bedside table and says...

"Like my wine glass? I woke up in the middle of the night and wanted a glass of wine...But I couldn't find a cup."

Me: "Seriously??? I thought that was that crazy ass soup!"

Her: "Nope...Chardonnay!"

The Second My Flip-Flop Hit The Island Of Oahu...

I Became a different Woman.

A chameleon...If you will.

That's how magical this place was...and the effect this trip had on me SHOCKED.THE.SHIT.OUT.OF.ME!

So, how am I different?

*I.HATE.BIRDS...They Freak Me The Fuck Out...And just look at me up there. With birds!!! ON.ME!!

*I got a tattoo. I've always contemplated getting one...Just never really had a reason. I always said "If I ever get one I want it to have meaning."

Well...This trip "Had Meaning." I let a lot go while in Hawaii...As y'all know I've been through A LOT...I'm proud to say I left ALL of that there.

All of The Bullshit...The Drama...The Tears... That The Ex caused me are now washed away in The Pacific...FAR.FAR.AWAY.FROM.ME!

So...back to The Tattoo...That's my reason! It's simple and sweet and was done by the guy from "Inked" on A&E. Hibiscus Flower with small outline of Oahu...To remind me everyday for the rest of my life that I left my past there!

*As you also know...I'm terrified of heights! Well...I hiked Mt. Kilaueu (an active volcano) all the way to 5,500 ft! HOLY.SHIT! I was SO scared to look down. Talk about anxiety attack...No Xanax on board...But I did it! And it was so worth it!

*I went out without a bra...Now I've done the "No Panties" thing quite a bit in the past (makes me feel sassy). But no bra...Notsomuch.

So if I seem different...

It's because I am!

Whoever Said Funny and Cute Couldn't Get You Far...

(Sorry about this shot...Some tourist cut Duke's head off!)

Wasn't Funny and Cute enough...

Hawaii Story #1:

MY JAYWALKING EXPERIENCE

Scene takes place on Waikiki Beach in front of "Duke Statue" (The Legendary surfer aka "The God of Surf").

I place a call to Molly cuz I'm in front of the live web cam...No answer. Head back to The Red Lion Bar where I left my Mom...and my Mai Tai. Just as I'm sitting down to take a sip Molly calls back.

So back across the street I head. Red light. Look both ways (why I'm not sure as it was a one way street). Cars are stopped. I cross.

Within seconds of me crossing I see a cop LOOKING.STRAIGHT.AT.ME.

Cop: "Excuse me miss."

Me: Looking around to see who he's talking to...Cuz it couldn't be ME!

Cop: "You...Over here now!"

Me: Thinking Holy Fuckin Shit..." Did I do something wrong?"

Cop: " You just jaywalked and that's against the law."

Me: " I'm so sorry...I didn't know."

Cop: " Seriously...You didn't know? What were you doing? Where are you from? When did you get here?"

Me: "I'm from Florida...My friends are gonna watch me on the live web cam in front of Duke...Got here yesterday."

Cop: "Girlfriend...You smell like you've been drinking."

Me: "I have been... My drink is waiting for me at The Red Lion...My Mom and I are sitting down there (pointing in that direction)."

Cop: "Are you driving?"

Me: " No Sir...Just Jaywalking"

He laughed and gave me a warning ticket.

If Someone Told Me...

That all I needed to let go of all of the distress and drama I've experienced over the past two years was to hop on a flight to Hawaii...

I would have done it...

Lets see...

TWO.FUCKING.YEARS.AGO!

Sweet Jesus! I'm a new woman. Changed. Different. Better.

And I'm lovin it!

I found myself...

I found 30 cents too...Which is way more than I've ever found in one day with that stupid ass metal detector that I own...But that's beside the point...

I have stories to tell...And will bore you with them daily...

Most importantly...

I'm back...

Here I Am...

So...
I decided to come home.

WOW! I LOVE OAHU!

What a beautiful place! I'll post more about my trip this weekend...

Just wanted to check in and say "Aloha."

Also...If any of you got some crazy ass email from my address while I was gone...

I.DID.NOT.SEND.THAT!

Not sure if someone hacked into my email account or what...WTF???

I can assure you that I was too busy sippin Mai Tai's, lounging in the sun and stimulating the economy to shoot bogus emails to any of you!!

I can't wait to catch up on all of your blogs over the long weekend...

Things that make you go Hmmmmm.....

One slow day at work L, L&L wrote me a poem. Now this is not an odd occurrences she has written me many, but this one really left me wandering. Here is how it went down.
L, L&L was working the bar and I was working the floor. I knew she was up to something cause every time I walked by she would act real guilty. Then she hands me a piece a paper that reads.


If when you drop a piece of toast it always lands butter side down and a cat always lands on their feet. Then what would happen if you tied a piece toast butter side up on the back of a cat and dropped them??


We still don’t know the answer to this one.

DRUNK DIALING

Back in the day L,L&L had a bad habit of drunk dialing!
Let me set the stage for you.
We are in college in our early 20’s working in a restaurant and living together.
After work we would take our cash tips and do what any smart college kid would do.
BUY BEER!
At one point L,L&L was going thru a break up and I did what any good friend would do. I FED HER BEER!
She would start the night strong. I’m not going to call him, she would say. But as the night went on and the beers went down the strength would fade.
When she awoke in the morning she would lay in bed recalling the night’s events. SHIT she would holler out. I called him didn’t I? YEP I replied. DAM DAM DAM why did you let me call him. I tried to stop you I said.
Well next time try harder!
After this happened more than a few times I got smart. One night after many beers I decided to hide the phone from her.
The next morning I didn’t hear that oh so familiar SHIT! Instead it was “why is my phone in the cabinet?"

There has been a sighting!

NO not big foot, of L, L&L!


I got a call last night from her. Well I missed the first call, but called back immediately. She said “oh there you are I’ll walk back to the web cam so you can see me. Then I hear a man say Ma’am I need to talk to you. L, L&L hold on Molly. No Ma’am over here. I’ll call you back Molly. I pulled up the web cam to see if I could see what was going on. No luck. Next I called S&S to have her watch the web cam as well. A few minutes later L,L&L calls back to tell me she just got a ticket for JAY WALKING!
WHAT A CROCK OF SHIT!!
After a few minutes of watching the web cam and answering L, L&L. NO I STILL CAN”T SEE YOU! I remembered from my sister’s trip that there is a delay.
Then a cute little yellow dress showed up. I said are you wearing yellow YES THATS ME! HI! We both squealed and waved. Not sure way I was waving she can’t see me.
After that she tells me “I got to go because my drink is getting warm”.
Thank you rubbing it in.

Welcome to Molly's Memories

Well L,L & L has left and gave me the keys!!

!!PARTY!!

What the hell was she thinking? I have never blogged, can't spell and she gave me the keys to this joint. Sweet.


I only have three goals for these 11 fun filled days.

1. Don't lose any followers!

2. Keep the misspelling to a minimum!

3. Have some fun!


With some help from S&S I have reset the countdown for L,L&L return. That way we know when we need to start cleaning up.


For my first blog I'm going to keep it short and tell you a memory I have of L,L&L from many a moon ago.

We were in high school driving down to Key West for a senior trip. The drive was about a seven hours with five girls in a Suzuki jeep.

Now I don't know if you remember the Suzuki jeeps, but they were not much bigger than the smart cars that L,L&L is such a fan of.

L,L&L was in the middle of the back with me and another friend of ours on each side. The first few hours were fine we were singing and laughing you can feel the love. Around hour 5 we were getting restless! At one point I looked at L,L&L and she had both legs over me with her head on our other friend. She was just kicked back relaxing, while the two of us on either side could not move. I said to her L,L&L for PETE SAKE! She sat there for a minute with a puzzled look on her face then said


WHO IS PETE?

Aloha Sistas...and Ace...

I just poured a glass of wine and am officially on " Island Time!"

WHOOOOOHOOOOO!

Heading to Tampa shortly and leaving on a jet plane at the CRACK.OF.FUCKIN.DAWN. in the morning!

Wipe those tears...I'll be back on the 20th...With lots of stories...and loads of pictures that I take with my rockin new camera!

Remember Molly is in charge of this joint while I'm away...This should be interesting!

Miss You Already!!!

XOXO,
L,L&L

If you're looking to get swallowed by a giant vagina...

then have we got a couch for you. S&S here, a bestie of ours found this posted on Craigs List. She assures us she wasn't googling vaginas, but googling couch, the name of a store.





Pink Upholstered Vagina Couch
For Sale - beautiful pink "vagina couch" that I made in art school and no longer have space for. The couch is large: measures 5' 3" long, 3' 3" wide at the middle, and stands 2' 3" tall (and is heavy like a couch). The pics are from my portfolio and are several years old; as a result, the couch has some scuffmarks and stains around the bottom from being moved, but otherwise is in excellent shape. A professional upholsterer helped me build the couch, so it is also functional and durable as a piece of furniture. The couch must be picked up in Mendocino, a 3-hour drive north of SF. I am asking for $600 and a loving home! Call Willow at [deleted] or reply to posting.



I think the part about the scuff marks and stains really sells it. Is that HAIR GEL? There's nothing more appealing than a used, worn out kaslopis. And be careful what you wish for, a loving home... some dude is gonna make this couch his bitch.


Condoms not included.

Cinco de Mayo and LL&L's birthday!

LL&L, Stereos & Souffles and Molly

Half Way To Seventy...

Is what I will be tomorrow...

So a friend told me...NICE!

More like halfway to being one of "The Crazy Old People" I deal with on a daily basis...

I don't want to get old. I don't want to forget my teeth. I don't want to be "Off My Walker!!!"

We are only as old as we feel...Right??

I Have Been Blessed...

With the most wonderful girlfriends, family, dog and relationships in "This World!"

Wasn't really looking forward to 35!!! It's creeping up on me in a couple of days...

We (The Girls) celebrated today. Poolside...OH POOL BOY...

FUN!!!

My darlins chipped in and bought me a rockin new camera for my trip...Since the STB EX took mine.

How thoughtful!

How special!

So glad they're mine!

Do I Seriously...

Leave for Hawaii in 6 days???

I'm gonna miss you gals... And Ace...

Kind of!

So I'm busy this week...Not much time to blog...MIA...But in a good way!

Molly is taking over this place while I am gone...

She's calling it "Molly's Memories"

And will tell y'all..."All About Me"

OH SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope you still like me when I return...

As I've Told You In The Past...

A gambler I am not...

But...I bet on The Kentucky Derby every year.

My horse was just scratched from the race...Sloppy track...Rain...I'm pissed!

Anyhow...I always pick a long shot too.

So Come on Mr. Hot Stuff!!! 30-1 odds! Keep your fingers crossed!

I need you Mr. Hot Stuff...

GIVEAWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fabulous Shannon over at More Wine Please is hosting a giveaway! Yay! The prize is this fabulous Market Wine Tote. OMG! Dontcha just LOVE it??? Stop by her fabulous blog and tell her I sent you!

So...

I requested Evan Longoria's friendship on Facebook and my friends made fun of me.

He hasn't confirmed my friendship yet...

Probably cuz he's too busy playing baseball and being smokin HOT!

But I'm sure he will...Right?

So what if I'm like nine years older than him...

Gotta Love...

A head butt with your dog after a couple of drinks at the neighbors...

Lola???

What gives?

Now I Have A Headache!

Don't we have enough shit on our plate?

Let me stick to head butting those I dislike...

ETA...Did I tell you I hate this private thing????????????

A Few Things That Are On My Mind...

* Hawaii in 11 days!!!! Whoooohoooo! I need to start packing!

* I don't like this whole "PRIVATE" thing... Kinda makes me lonely! Any suggestions??

* My parents dog died...They just lost one a couple of months ago...Very sad! I'm glad they got Jack!

* I'm over this whole "WORK" thing...Again...Any suggestions??

* President Obama isn't paying my mortgage yet...Just curious...Is he paying yours??

* I'm thrilled that my STB Ex husband can no longer visit "Lola's Place" Cuz I'm here to tell you he turned out to be a REAL PIECE OF SHIT!!!

The First "S" is Silent...

It's a bird...

It's a plane...

It's Stereos and Souffles to the rescue.


Today I'm changing her name to SUPER STEREOS & SOUFFLES!

Cuz she is my SUPERHERO! No doubt!

She has swooped in and rescued me more than you know...


There once was this time(at band camp)...and S&S and I were roommates.


A guy showed up UNINVITED to MY bedroom...In the middle of the night!


I was scared...You know panic mode...Found my way to S&S'S bedroom...Still in Panic Mode...


She locked doors...Put me in her bed...She called the cops...Said stalker left...


Not the end...


She hunted that bastard down the next day and told him...

" If he got near me again...She would slit his throat and eat his eyeballs for dinner..."
Or something like that...


Then...

Last night as I am trying to enjoy my Hot Tub...And rid myself of all the drama The Soon To Be Ex is creating in my life right now... (I'll get to this eventually)


My STB EX calls and tells me he is going to bomb "This Joint."

SUPER STEREOS & SOUFFLES to the rescue...again

I refused to exit hot tub on his account...

With a quick phone call S,S &S is on a mission...

She made us private.

Most Importantly...


SHE GOT RID OF HIM!!! WHOOP WHOOP!!

Anyhow...You won't be hearing from her today as she is tapped out from renovating her guest bath and saving my world!

SWEET JESUS!!!

We're alone!

We'll Private...Or Whatever!

I can't stand that dude...and more on that later...actually tomorrow.

Looking forward to a good nights sleep...

Without nightmares of a certain someone bombing "Lola's Place" while I have no control!

Thank you Stereos and Souffles for rescuing me in my frantic state...

Time to go private

Stereos & Souffles here. No, it's not Friday. But I received a call tonight from LL&L that the anonymous asshole AKA -couldn't be an ex-husband soon enough- has threatened to blow up this lovely place and we just can't have that. So I logged on and set her to private in record time. I'm trying to make LL&L's transition a little easier and I've located your emails so that she doesn't get lonely during the transition.

If I could ring this complete waste of space's neck and get away with it, I'd be doing it right now. But since he's certainly not worth going to prison over, we'll just have to wait for karma to take care of him.

He's not out of her life yet, but at least he's out of her blog. Hip Hip Hooray!

My Soon To Be Ex...

Has just informed me via text that we can get a $25.00 divorce at the court house or online...

How's that for stepping up to The Fucking Plate???

Since I filed in September and already have an attorney!

Really??

Seriously???

If it's that simple????

Take charge and be my guest B... If it's legit I'll sign.

I'll be happy to rid my life of you for 25 Bucks...

Hope Y'all Are Sitting Down...

Last night...

I slept in a tent!

And NO it's not because I lost my house...

I did it on purpose.

Our Physical Therapy clinic had a team for Relay For Life to honor one of our favorite patients who was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. Our Team Name...Quest For The Breast. That's our team up there...Kiddos went home. Adult Beverages were served.

We collected $300.00 over our goal! WhoooHooo!

Molly joined our team being "The Trooper" she is (Oh...and she secretly likes camping...cuz there is Miller Lite involved...I think).

Anyhow...She pitched our tent.

Now I've seen Molly pitch a fit or two in the years I've known her...But a tent! Holy Impressiveness!!!

A true Girl Scout you are Molly! You save my house from burning down and you build me a safe place to sleep...YOU ROCK!

So it started at 6pm and ended at 9am this morning. And the very LOUD music played ALL.NIGHT.LONG!

All in all we had fun. More importantly we raised money for a great cause.

But...

I'm seriously considering booking a room at The Ritz tonight just to get myself balanced again.

Answer me this...

Stereos & Souffles here for your Friday reading pleasure:


Who the hell is 31eVA5QhtojITTaA9cJ?

And how exactly do you pronounce that?

This is one of the followers of my blog.

Don't get me wrong, I love followers, but something is fishy with 31eVA5QhtojITTaA9cJ.
What a pain in the ass signing in with that name.

Are they a Terrorist? Petnapper? Cyber Stalker? Escaped Mental Patient?




Holy shit. Oh God.
Just thought of something.
I think I know who this is.
It takes a big person for such a big name.
That only leaves one person with a vendetta against S&S...




WYNONNA JUDD


Some of you may recall that I wrote a rather scathing letter to Wynonna regarding her promotion and use of the Alli diet pill (think oily stool skid mark.) After a week or so, my husband suggested that I permanently remove the post from my blog for safety reasons and to avoid a headline like this:


"GIANT RED FIRE CROTCH SMOTHERS THIN SARCASTIC BITCH WITH DAY OLD DEPENDS!"


What to do. What to do. Should I block the follower? Leave it be and sleep with one eye open while clutching my bag of potato chips? No, scratch that. She can probably smell potato chips from a mile away. I should lay low for awhile with some baby carrots. No chance of her getting near them.


But what if it's not her? Could 31eVA5QhtojITTaA9cJ be dangerous? I've only got 18 followers and I can't really afford to alienate one. Maybe someday he/she will comment and leave some clue to his/her identity. Let's ponder this until next Friday and see if anything out of the ordinary occurs.


In the meantime, do me a solid. If you spot Wynonna crossing the Florida state line, keep an eye on her for me. That shouldn't be hard.

Free Wine...

Who doesn't love a giveaway!!!! My girlfriend Shannie is hosting a giveaway. How generous is that? One of the gifts is a bottle of her favorite wine. Now y'all know I love wine and I also love free so I'm all over this. Go check out her blog and leave her a comment and you are entered.

P.S. Be nice...She's prego!

Why Is It...

That it only takes two seconds to say "I Do"

And an eternity to say "I Don't ???"

There is clearly something wrong with this! Seriously...Who the fuck is running this system?

If I were in charge you could get a divorce at The Gas Station...

You know when you put your card in and it asks you "Do you want a car wash? Yes or No?"

It would ask "Do you want a divorce? Yes or No?"

Just like that...With the push of a button...I would say "YEP" And while we're at it I'll take a car wash...Cuz I'm anticipating a HOT DATE once we get rid of my husband.

FUCK! I hate this bullshit!

Bare with me I have Bloggers Block.

At least you have Stereos and Souffles to look forward to on Friday.

I am smiling still...Only 23 days til I'm in Hawaii.

Can I Get A Whoop Whoop...

Federal Return Accepted

Dear Life, Love & Lola,
Congratulations! The IRS has accepted your federal tax return. There's nothing else you need to do.

^^^

Look ...


That's the email I received from Our Government! More importantly then them accepting my taxes...They told me there is nothing else I need to do.

So my taxes were accepted, I have a nice return coming and Our Government has told me to Take it Easy!!! Sweet!